Introduction To The Articles

Ch I My First Impression

Ch II Ma Anandamayee: An Introduction

Ch III Faith And Doubt

Ch IV Two Incidents

Ch V Mother's Physical Aspect

Ch VI One Aspect Of Mataji's Teaching

Ch VII Mother And The Supernatural Powers

Ch VIII Three Stories

Ch IX Some Incidents During Birthday Celebrations (Part A And B)

Ch X On The Teaching Of Shree Shree Ma Anadamayee

Ch XI What Mother Is Not

These articles on Ma Anandamayi were mostly written in the 50's by Vijayananda. He was a French doctor who met Ma in 1951 at the age of 36 and decided to stay with her. He never went back to France. One can follow the evolution of his experiences with Ma through the pages. These texts were primarily written for Ananda Varta, a quarterly devoted to Ma Anandamayi. Its readership was composed of people already acquainted and attracted by Ma, hence the spontaneity of Vijayananda when expressing his love and veneration for Ma; he knew that the readers would feel immediately of what he was talking; still, for the people who does not know Ma much, the sincerity of the author and the account of his first hands experiences with Ma will be impressive. In his articles as well as in his conversations he does not need to quote often Ma's words inasmuch as he has become one with her teaching.

The second chapter is a general introduction to Ma Anandamayi which was written later, in the 80's. Chapter four, Faith and Doubt, expresses the hesitations of the beginner. Chapters twelve and thirteen are especially meant for Westerners wanting to better understand practical Hinduism. Chapter fourteen was not written for Ananda Varta, but represent excerpts from Vijayananda's notebook and an attempt to circumscribe important laws of spiritual psychology. He finally gave up this project thinking that the ones who know them did not need to read them, and the ones who do not suspect them will not benefit of reading about them. This is a point of view…

It is a difficult task to try and give a reader who often is only curious, if not indifferent, an idea of that which for you is the most precious thing, the jewel of jewels.

There are two dangers to be avoided : The first is to let your heart run away with you, to write an account so enthusiastic, so extravagant that the reader gets the impression of having before him the product of an unbalanced mind or at least of a rank sentimentalist, and consequently hurries through the article with an amused smile full of ironic pity.

The other danger would be to endeavour to remain completely cold and detached, to write like an impartial observer. This would be even worse, because one cannot speak of Her, who is the very embodiment of Love Divine, as if one were dealing with a scientific problem. I shall, therefore, try to restrain my heart, without however reducing it to complete silence.

It is bad taste to talk about oneself, but all I can do, is to relate the story of how I got in touch with "MA". For it is impossible to describe Her objectively: She is different for every one of us. "I am whatever you think I am", She has often said.

It was on the 2^nd of February , 1951, at about six o' clock in the evening that I saw Her for the first time in Her Ashram at Banaras.

Having "provisionally" placed a substitute in charge of my medical practice, I had left France in quest of spiritual guidance in this country, which since time immemorial has illumined the world.

Landing in Buddhist Ceylon, then proceeding along the East coast of India I had arrived in Banaras the previous day. Tired and disappointed, almost convinced that my journey had been in vain, and determined to return to France, I had already reserved a berth on the "Marseillaise", which was to sail from Colombo on February 21^st.

I am frequently asked what was my first impression of Ma, what made me decide to leave everything-family, friends, country, profession, wealth-to follow Her. Why I have clung to Her like a shadow for the last 11 months, suffering torments whenever I am unable to see Her for a few hours. Why, though I cannot understand what She says, I spend hours at Her feet, without taking my eyes of Her.

It is very difficult to reply to these questions. Not because language lacks words, but because a word has not the same meaning for different persons, unless they all have experienced the sensation corresponding to that word. Thus one may well try with the aid of comparisons to make a child in France realize what exactly is the flavour of a mango. Even if one spent hours over it, he would only get a very vague idea and that also most likely false.

All the same, having made room for all these unavoidable limitations I shall now make an attempt.

What then was first impression ? It was in the evening of the 2^nd of February, I found myself in the presence of a woman of 55, looking younger than her age, still beautiful. But at that moment I did not notice Her beauty, it was only later that I became aware of it. I still see Her, focussing Her eyes on me with that strange gaze that seemed to embrace my whole destiny.

That same evening, at about ten o' clock, She had granted me an interview which lasted for about 20 minutes. She was supposed to answer my questions, but I had nothing to ask. I simply desired to make a spiritual contact. She seemed to divine thought. It was She who put the questions, clear, precise, going straight to the heart of things, raising exactly the points which interested me. But Her words were only a play on the surface. In those 20 minutes She had infused something into me, which was to last for a long time, which still continues. I returned to 'Clark's Hotel' after having secured Her permission to come back the next day to live in the Ashram.

I was in a strange state-my heart swelled with jubilation, with joyful exaltation-the state of one, who has just found what he has always yearned for in its most secret recess. Her image did not leave me anymore, even at night, and the very thought of Her drove tears into my eyes.

What exactly had happened to me ? My critical sense, which had been submerged by the first wave, awoke on the 3^rd or 4^th day. "Take care", it told me, "you have fallen into the hands of a great magician. She has cast a spell over you to make you her obedient slave." And I began to be on the defensive, to struggle against Her influence-rather feebly, I confess, for how can one fight Love; there is no power in the world mightier than Love.

But what kind of love was this ? It is not directed towards the woman. It has nothing whatsoever to do with the love one may feel for a woman. As by strange alchemy my entire potentiality for affection, all that one can love and admire in the world was transferred to her. But at the same time this love became so pure, so sublimated that it merged into, and greatly intensified the call for the Absolute that I had always felt. All worldly attachment lost its attraction and the spiritual ascent became easier, since she had donned me the wings of Love. For these eleven months that I have spent near Her have given me the conviction that She is the Lord Himself, incarnate in the body of a woman.

I thought that this Love (I am obliged to use this word for want of a better one, though it does not express exactly what it stands for) would disappear or at least dwindle with time. The very contrary has happened : It has only grown in intensity. For it is like with those ancient cities buried underground; as one delves deeper, ever more new marvels are brought to light.

Something that has struck me from the very first day is the atmosphere of the miraculous in which one moves when one is with Her. Let me explain : In Europe (and no doubt here also) by the word "miracle" one conceives of a breaking away from the laws of nature, something that strikes one as impossible, as absurd. But this is only its crude, objective side. Its subtle, subjective aspect is quite different. What does it matter to me if a certain yogi has walked across the waters or flown through the air ? The real miracle is, when that which one needs, which one desires keenly or feebly, comes at the very moment it is needed. And still better when it comes, not only as one desired it, but as one would have loved to see it in the innermost depth of one's heart. It has been for me as if I were guided on a path beset with obstacles by the hand of the most loving Mother -an all-powerful Mother. As you advance She removes all which must be removed, She even lifts you across in Her arms. And all circumstances adjust and adapt themselves with a marvelous precision, without hurt. "Coincidence", I thought at first. But a coincidence that goes on repeating itself daily cannot be called so anymore. And all this happens without apparently violating the laws of nature - for the Lord has no need to break any laws: He is the Law. Should I give examples ? No, for those who do not know Her will not believe me and those who have lived near Her have already understood.

She is like the Ganges -Her very touch purifies. In Her presence one feels oneself getting better all the time. Not by the suppression of one's faults : The very fault is sublimated and becomes an aid in the search for the Divine. She does not seem to notice or does not notice the dark sides of the individual. She only sees our luminous aspects, enhanced considerably by Her Divine mercy.

All the Jivan-Muktas, all the emanations of the Divine, give in broad outline the same message; and Ma Anandamayi does not make an exception to this rule. Yet there is an aspect of Her which no other Sad-Guru has ever before presented (not to my knowledge at least) except perhaps Sri Krishna : I am referring to Her power to attract human hearts. It seems to me (this is an entirely personal opinion) that the first contact She makes with those who come to Her, is essentially a contact of Love. Instantaneously She recognises the dominate note in the individual's emotional nature and it is this aspect in which She appears to him or her.

For some - for the great majority- She is a Mother, full of love and tenderness, to others a friend and elder sister or even their child. For others yet, who are spiritually more advanced, She is the Guru or an aspect of God : Durga, Krishna, etc. And is not only in the imagination of the bhakta that She represents these various aspects ; Her physical appearance, Her behavior, Her voice are actually transformed and adapted to the part She wishes to play. To illustrate this I would like to mention a striking little incident that I witnessed. It was during the last Janmashtami festival (Sri Krishna's birthday) at Banaras. She had been dressed up as Lord Krishna and we were all allowed to go and see Her. I went with a certain reluctance and with a slight irritation, for I do not like disguises. But when I beheld Her, I understood that there was no question of a disguise. Her face, though one could still recognize it, was completely transformed. It shone with a Divine beauty, with a truly super-natural calm and sweetness. She had really become one with Sri Krishna Himself. This is only an example among a thousand.

I have often seen Her features assuming entirely different aspects within a single hour. According to the person who questions Her, She appears at times like an old Mother with a sweet face, her features drawn and tired; a few minutes later the radiant face of a young girl of twenty emerges. At another masculine, countenance of the Guru, a little later again Her laughter, Her caressing voice, Her tender look conjure up those of a child.

This contact of love or affection becomes in some way the lure that will entice him, who has had the great good fortune of getting in touch with Her, away from attachment to worldly things. For it will be transmuted and turned to the Divine.

What else can I say about Her ? But have I not promised to limit my effusions ? Perhaps it would have been better, had I acted like the friend who, when asked to write an article, replied : "All I can say is : Ma, Ma, Ma,. "

May these few lines be not altogether unworthy of Her.

They have been written not from any ulterior motive, but as a humble testimony of the love, the veneration and the gratitude I feel for Her. And may they induce some readers to come and quench their thirst at that source of Life Eternal which is Ma Anandamayi.

Miracles still happen nowadays, and sometimes the most wild dreams become true ; and this is what happened to me when I met Sri Ma Anandamayee for the first time on the 2^nd of February 1951 at Her Varanasi Ashram.

I had come to India in search of real Guru. Not just a teacher, but one of those mysterious great beings, who can by the their mere presence awaken in us the inner power which makes real Sadhana possible.

I knew about nothing about Sri Ma Anandamayee. The first time her name was mentioned before me was at Aurobindo Asram in Pondicherry. One Canadian lady who was coming from Northern India advised me to visit the Asram of Sri Ma Anandamayee beautifully nestled on the bank of the Ganges, and to have the darshan of Sri Ma It did not awakened in me any interest. Nevertheless, I noted down Her name among other things worthwhile to be seen at Banaras Anyhow, I had already lost any hope of finding the sage I was looking for and my passage back to France was already booked on the 21^st of February from Colombo.

I reached Varanasi on the first of February and got my accommodation at the Clark Hotel, near the Cantonment Station. The next day in the afternoon a young man (I had an introduction letter from his uncle) accompanied me to Bhaidani area of the town. We crossed a narrow lane, entered through a small door and found us all of a sudden in a vast majestic ashram overlooking the Ganges with a breathtaking view along the Ghats. It was the Ashram of Sri Ma Anandamayee.

My first idea was to have a look and go away. But Sri Ma was just coming out from the Kanyapeeth building. My companion introduced me to Her. They were talking in Bengali. The young man told me : " Ma says you are good". She was looking at me with this strange look which is so familiar to me now. She looks at you, but also far beyond, in your past, your future, your whole destiny.

Can I recollect my first impression ? Surprise, I believe. I expected to see an old lady with white hair but I found myself before a person looking fairly young with Her jet black hair falling on Her shoulders ; but surprisingly, I did not notice Her beauty at that time.

But the real happening was inside me. How to explain this ? It was like somebody throwing a lighted match in gun-powder. You know that something extraordinary is going to happen, although it does not happen at the very moment. In that moment, I felt something strange which I could not define. But, indeed, a few hours later after I had gone to my hotel the explosion occurred - a feeling of unearthy joy and happiness : "I have found the Guru I was looking for". There was no shadow of doubt about that in my mind. What gave me this conviction ?

People will call it "Love". But the English word is misleading for this wonderful relationship between Guru and disciple. The Guru is not only dearer than a Mother, a father or a friend. All the shades of love and veneration are contained in this relationship. Any wordly love - however pure and sublimated it may be - ever ends in disillusion and sorrow. But the love of the Guru purifies the mind and liberates him from wordly attachment. It is like a flawless mirror which reflects our own higher Self, and leads to the discovery of the eternal source of peace and happiness which is inside ourselves.

It is through this love that one can renounce all of a sudden the comforts of luxurious life and devote oneself entirely to the search of the supreme. It is through this love that one gets the strength to conquer kama, krodha and lobha (lust, anger and greediness ). This is Guru-kripa.

To sit at Ma's holy feet was not only a source of peace and bliss it was also most powerful sadhana. Her very presence purified the mind, loosening age-old fetters. Without saying a word she could open the way of the nadis, granting one in a few minutes what would have taken many years of hard strenuous Sadhana.

My relation with Ma was that with a Guru. But She was much than this. She was doubtlessly a Divine Being. Sri Ma had told us that she had not come on earth as result of some prarabdha karma and that she had no previous birth. Was she an Avatar ? or the embodiment of the Divine Mother ? or a perfect sage who had come down to help humanity ? Much has been written or speculated about it. What is certain is that the lady we called Sri Ma Anandmayee was a vehicle for an immense power of infinite Love. Once, as I had complained to Her that She had built a boundary around Her against foreigners, She told me: There is no question of any boundary : I and you are one: this (showing Her body) is only an appearance. I am all-pervading". She had only an elementary schooling, and had read no scriptures, but Her wisdom bluffed the greatest of pandits. In a few words, she could resolve the most intricate philosophical problems and one was left wondering how simple it was.

There was no path of Sadhana which was unknown to Her and She would advise everyone on the path which was best suited to him. What struck me specially was Her extraordinary skill in opening and closing (when needed) the nadis of sadhakas without any effort, just playfully.

I traveled with Ma at first for 19 months without a break(except one day) for, after having found such miraculous being, how could I have left Her: travelling with Ma was not just travelling; it was an unique experience. One was moving in a world of miracles. By "miracle" I do not mean something which strikes imagination as a disruption of natural laws (although this too happened sometimes) but the fulfillment of a wish or a desire at the moment one has desired it, and just the way one would have liked it. We know that whatever might happen "Ma will arrange", that we were under the protection of a great being for which the word "impossible" does not exist. Of course, this was not only while traveling, but wherever Ma was and for all those who had some connection with Her. And it happened in such a simple, spontaneous way that at the moment, one was hardly aware of it.

For example, it is well known among Ma's devotees that whenever She distributed fruits or sweets, there was always enough for all those present whatsoever might have been the number or fruits and the number of persons. In this connection one instance comes to my mind when I was personally involved : it happened at Ma's Ashram at Vrindavan. One day, it might have been late in the evening, may be l0 p.m., I went to Ma's room to tell Her that I would like to leave the next day for Almora and secure Her permission and Her blessings. In the ground floor of Ma's building there are two rooms; the first room fairly big which serves as a reception room, and another on the back for Ma's private residence. When I came, Ma was sitting in the front room, near the door of the second room. The room was filled to capacity by many people standing close to one another. It was not possible to enter the room or to cross the dense crowd. So I stood outside together with other people. Ma was distributing oranges and that was why the crowd had assembled, everyone being eager to get prasad from Ma's own hands.

There was a basket of big oranges (perhaps the Nagpur type) before Ma. But however big the basket might have been, it could not be enough for so many people: I decided not to take an orange for myself. Anyhow, I had not come for this but for having a talk with Ma before starting for Almora and Daulchina. To be certain that she would not notice me, I hide myself behind the people; and as I knew she could feel my bhava, I made my mind completely blank.

After some time the distribution was over and, surprisingly, everyone got his orange. Then Ma asked "Sabko mila" ? (did everybody get ?). All over the assembly one could hear satisfied Yes, yes, yes." I kept quiet and hid myself much more behind the people. Then I heard Ma's voice telling : "Ek ko nahi mila" (One did not get). As soon as She had uttered these words, the dense crowd split itself in two as if by magic leaving open a way straight towards Ma, and I was sucked inside this way almost against my will until I came up to Her, I made pranam, and She gave me a big orange with Her wonderful happy smile.

But the most striking miraculous power displayed almost daily by Ma was Her astonishing skill of attracting people through Her love, and transform unbelievers into religious people and sinners into religious men. Her power of attraction was indeed legendary. She would at once find the dominant affective feature of the individual and appear to him in the aspect which was the dearest to him. To some, she was the Mother: to others a daughter or a close friend, some again would see Her as Ishta, Krishna, Durga, Shiva, etc... , or their Guru. But to the great majority of people, she was "our Ma", the all powerful loving Mother ever ready to help and protect Her children whatever caste or creed they may belong to.

I remember a Peruvian South-American) boy who had come for the first time to Ma. He did not know any English but could converse in French, and I was the only person in the Ashram to whom he could talk directly. On one occasion we were both sitting in satsang in the presence of Ma, fairly apart from each other. At one moment, he was so stunned by what he had seen that he got up in the midst of the satsang and came to the place where I was sitting. His face had an expression of utter amazement when he told me :" Oh! She looks just like my Mother :"

Sometimes, on special occasions like during Kali-puja and Janmashtami, etc..., Her features, Her behavior, Her bhav would be so transformed as if She had become the embodiment of the deity worshipped. I had myself the great fortune of witnessing such a transformation. It was Janmashtami (the birthday of Krishna) at night and the Kanyapeeth girls had dressed Sri Ma like Krishna. She was in a small room in the upper store of the Kanyapeeth building (religious school for girls in the compoud of Shri Shri Ma Anandamayee Ashram at Varanasi.) and we were allowed to go up and have Her darshan (usually, males are not allowed in this building). I went rather reluctantly feeling rather annoyed that Ma had been dressed in what, I thought, was a disguise. But when I entered the room, I stood in awe, before bending to make pranam. There was no question of disguise. Her features had a majestic luminous beauty almost masculine. Her attitude, Her way of sitting conjures those of a royal sage receiving us with his benign smile. She was really identified with Krishna.

When the Lord has come on earth to play with us the wonderful play of love, which leads to liberation from worldly bondage, how can one forgo even for a short time his divine presence. But Ma did not encourage sole attachment for Her physical form. It was a stepping stone for discovering the all-pervading Ma and finally the Divine which is seated in our own heart, and which is our Real Eternal Being. Ma used to say : " From moha(attachment) to this body (Ma), all other moha will vanish" . And also : " To know Bhagavan is to know one's Real Self and to know one's Real Self is to know Bhagavan".

With Vijayananda (as She had called me) She did indeed try to wean him away. She had a hard time but finally succeeded. (This episode is told as the first of the two incidents described in Chapter IV)

Ma had told once : " Whoever has loved even once this Body (Herself) will never be able to erase it from his mind, however hard he may try". Almost six years have elapsed since She has withdrawn "this Body", who was so dear to us, from our sight. But Her love is ever present. Tears come in our eyes when we think of Her. These are not the bitter tears of sorrow, but tears of love, which keep alive the eternal link we have with Sri Ma Anandamayee.

Can one talk of the birth of someone, who in her lifetime itself, was a legend ? Human beings (and everything that has a name and form), are born, live and die, and then are reborn, according to the inexorable law of 'Karma'. Our thoughts and actions fashion our future lives, and the physiological and social conditions in which we are born, are the result of our past life. This, to use a technical term, is the prarabdha karma. However, nothing of this holds true as far as Sri Ma Anandamayi is concerned, because, as she has expressed many times, she did not have any past life and if she took a human form, it was not to reap the fruit of any karma but in response to a collective aspiration of human beings.

Nonetheless, if we limit ourselves to the empirical aspect of things, we will say that she, who later became Ma Anandamayi ( a name given to her by Shri Jyotish C. Roy, better known as Bhaiji, one of the main disciples of Ma) was born on the 30^th of April 1896 in the village of Kheora in the district of Tripura (in East Bengal, now Bangladesh). Her father Sri Bipin Bihari Bhattacharya, a Brahmin of the renowned Khasyapa clan, was loved and respected for his spirit of detachment. Her mother, Srimati Mokshda Sundari Devi had all the noble qualities which make the Hindu women the guardian of ancient tradition. Before and after the birth of the child the mother often dreamt of gods and goddesses coming to visit her humble dwelling and illuminating it with their splendor. Curiously, the infant on coming into the world, neither cried nor made any sounds that newborns make. On this subject, Ma later remarked laughingly, " What reasons did I have for crying? I was looking at the mango-tree through the cracks in the wall" (that is, the spaces in the bamboo wall of the hut). Ma also recalled something which took place some days after her birth, which has been verified. This allow us to conclude that she was born with full consciousness of her self. The newborn infant was named Nirmala Sundari. While growing up She proved to be quite an extraordinary child, never telling lies and obeying her elders so scrupulously that they were quite disconcerted at times. Her kindness and tact earned her the friendship of everyone. Her chosen hobby was the chanting of religious hymns (kirtan) with her father. She was married at the age of thirteen to Sri Ramana Mohan Chakravarty, from the village of Atpara (in East Bengal), who later came to be known as Baba Bholanath. It was an unusual marriage because the husband realised very soon that his spouse was not an ordinary being, and his rapport with her was one of veneration mixed with fear. Later she gave him initiation and he became a sannyasi under the name of Tibhatananda.

II. Sadhana

I put the word "sadhana" in inverted commas because the term is not proper as far as Ma is concerned. She had affirmed many times -and so categorically that there was no room for doubt- that she has always been the same since childhood and that the changes in her demeanor were only superficial, not in any way affecting her real state. As for "sadhana", Ma after used the phrase "sadhana ka khel" (a game of sadhana), that is, an attitude similar to that of an actor consciously playing a part, or that of a doctor who takes the B.A. examination to amuse himself. For the game to be complete, as Ma herself said, it was necessary that her mind be covered momentarily by a veil of 'agyan' (ignorance), but which never affected the state of perfect realisation in which she always lived.

This "sadhana" began with a ' diksha' (ritual initiation) on the night of Jhulan Purnima (the full moon preceding Krishna's birthday). Ma described all the details of this initiation which resembled completely, to the minutest ones, to the ritual of ancient India. However, it was done at a very subtle level, visible only to those endowed with an astral vision and the Guru was none other that the invisible and omnipresent Divine Power. Then commenced a sadhana of such hallucinating and vertiginous proportions that even the most daring among yogis would not have been able to sustain it. Ma told us that all the methods of sadhana, ancient and modern, from their alpha to their omega i.e., to their culmination, were practiced by her, some over a period and others, like a film moving at a dizzy speed, in the space of a few seconds.

The reason for these astonishing spiritual acrobatics ? Ma gave it to us : No matter who the ' sadhaka' (practitioner of a spiritual path) was who asked her for advice, no matter what was the experience he described to her, she could help him and direct him like a guide who indicates to the traveler the landmarks of a route that he knows perfectly. Over several years, all kinds of extraordinary manifestations appeared through the person of Sri Ma Anandamayi : Bhakta (state of ecstsay), yogic powers and the states of samadhi. These appeared mainly when she was listening to kirtans (religious music). It then seemed that a Divine Power was taking possession of her body and making it move with a supernatural grace. She danced, ran towards the place where the kirtan was being held, sometimes animated by an undulating movement, at other times with a speed almost impossible to follow with the eyes. Sometimes her body rolled on the ground like a leaf being blown about by the wind. Again at other times she stood balanced on tiptoe with an extraordinary grace, or danced. She often used to become unconscious of the external world and to remain immersed in the happiness of samadhi for hours.

It was during this period that her yogic powers, which seemed to defy all natural laws, manifested themselves. One day, her body retracted to the point of becoming a minuscule mass of skin covered by clothes; at other times, her stature took on excessive proportions. One day she was surrounded by a luminous halo which dazzled all eyes, etc... Towards 1925 began the regimen which restricted her food without her health undergoing any change. For example, during a certain period she took only three mouthfuls of food on Monday and Thursday and for the remaining week she took just nine grains of rice. Then, during another period of several months she took just one gain of rice per day without her losing any weight.

All these astonishing, indeed disconcerting (to a Western mind), manifestations seemed to enter into the "sadhana khel" which Ma Anandamayi spoke of. I met Ma only at the beginning of 1951 that is at a time when these extraordinary manifestations were over. I have described them by hearsay, according to what I have read and to the declarations of Sri Ma herself. But the most extraordinary manifestation of the personality of Sri Ma was also the most touching : she was perfectly natural, and human... Supremely human. 

When I use the term 'Personality', it is more as a concession to common language than in the actual sense of the term ; because to have a personality, one must also have an ego, something which was totally absent in Sri Ma Anandamayi. Then again, it is a question of describing an apparent personality, that is, what it seems to be from the point of view of the spectator still immersed in duality. But this is not as simple as it seems at first because, when the impersonal takes on the aspect of a person, it varies according to the spectator who imposes on it his limitations, which he has drawn from conscious or subconscious aspirations. In other words, it is not a question of describing here the apparent personality of Ma Anandamayi in an objective manner - which is impossible but of describing her as she appeared to be in the eyes of the person who writes these lines. Imagine thus, a lady of 80 years (but who looks much younger), with long black hair falling over her shoulders when not tied up in a chignon at the top of her head, and who is always dressed in an impeccably clean, white sari. To say that this woman is beautiful, would be an offence to her as she insisted so much on the evanescence of all things of this earth. It is true, however, that in the days of yore (as is evident from photographs and my own memories), her extraordinary beauty evoked the beauty of Beyond. Perhaps it is for this reason that her followers - who like many Hindus, think that physical beauty is one of the attributes of the Divine when he descends to the Earth - saw the incarnation of the Divine Mother in her. There was something remarkable about the fine, aristocratic face with eyes that looked straight at you. No one I knew could sustain that look for long without lowering the head because it expressed a gentleness in which there was not the slightest trace of weakness or compromise, and it evoked the immutable consciousness which is the source and the goal of all our aspirations, and also the terror of our ego. It is not just that 'look' that I wish to speak of, nor is it just that expression of the lower lip which revealed an indomitable energy and which was in marked contrast to such a feminine face. I wish to speak of something else, too. Ever since my first contact with Ma, I was struck by her extraordinary ability to alter the features of her face. Sometimes, it seemed that through some kind of miming she identified herself with her interlocutor. At other times as if, in the wink of an eye, she guessed the fundamental affective chord in a disciple, she appeared to him in the aspect that was most dear to him. Sometimes, I have seen her take on the bearing of a young, radiantly beautiful girl of 20, then a quarter of an hour later, the wrinkled and tired visage of an old woman, or the virile expression of a young man or, yet again the face, the gestures and the silvery laugh of a child...

She spoke often without economizing on words. Her voice, with its musical timbre, went well with her personality in which everything spelt harmony. For those who "had the ears to listen", she only spoke a few words, each one of which was of profound importance and one had to know how to weigh them. For others, she sometimes spoke with an abundance of words. She had only elementary primary education, and yet she could discuss very difficult metaphysical subjects with the great pandits of Banaras. In a few simple words she could solve complicated philosophical problems, and often her answers carried the conviction of an evident fact because her wisdom did not come from books, but from a direct vision of the truth. What was most striking about the personality of Sri Ma Anandamayee was the radiance of love, a love pure and luminous that ennobled all whom it touched divinizing them, and giving a new meaning to individuals and things.

But better than that, she knew, through I know not by what mysterious alchemy, how to let flow the fountain of divine love that is within each of us. For those who had been touched by her grace, the spiritual path became very easy to follow, for she gave them the wings of Divine love, without which even the Vichara marga (the path of knowledge) is nothing but a sterile intellectual exercise. Another remarkable feature of the personality of this great Being was her extremely refined psychological sense and her extraordinary ability to manage human beings . She knew how to pull the strings of the human puppets that we are, yet the strings responded to a hand which knew divine compassion and which wanted to transform the puppets into free and conscious beings.

Sri Ma was born, brought up and continued to live, surrounded by the rites of an ancient Hindu Tradition. She recommended and advised their practice to those whose spiritual practices were supported by a religious life. But she herself soared majestically above all rituals like a mountain eagle soars above the plains. She did neither puja nor meditation, nor did she take part in any religious practice, unless it was an exceptional one in which she participated like a Mother pretending to be interested in the plays of her children. In fact, she could do all that because she took a firm support from the immutable rock of the Absolute.

The outsider is not satisfied until he can classify a great sage in some category - "That one is or had been a bhakta, this one is a jnani, that other is a Karma-Yogi, etc... but the sage who has attained the summit, rests on a terrain where all the parts fuse together... and if he takes the support of a particular way for guiding his followers, it will, by preference not compulsion, be the one which he has already traversed for attaining the goal. But Ma Anandamayi, as she often declared herself - and strange as it may seem to us- had never been in the state of ajnana (ignorance) and the state of perfection had always been her natural state. To try and classify her in any category would thus be a futile exercise. Her teaching was directed towards an extreme variety of individuals. In her entourage were ' sadhakas' who practised the Vichara marga (the path of knowledge), bhaktas, shaktas, karma yogis, people, who lived in the world and practised a spiritual discipline, spiritually advanced sadhus along with people learning the ABC of the spiritual path, Hindus, some Jains, Christians, Jews, Europeans and Americans. She was before everything else, the Mother, and she did not limit her teaching to some individuals, but wanted to save as great a number of people as possible. Her teaching was also adapted to the level of evolution of each individual: to the 'adhikari' (the 'sadhaka' who has reached maturity), she advised the path of advaita, to simple people the adoration of an image, 'japa' etc. In her verbal teaching, however, she strictly adhered to the ideas of ancient Hindu tradition, the 'sanatana dharma', and always returned to the central concept of advaita, She often said - 'To know Bhagavan (God) is to know oneself, and to know oneself is to know God.

Her originality lay, not in the teaching itself, but in the fresh, lively and spontaneous manner in which she put forth the ideas. Because what she said, even though it was in perfect accordance with the scriptures, was not taken from books, but was a direct expression of the Truth. She used simple language no high sounding words. She did not give a speech, but answered questions which individuals put to her. The conversation was always lively; one never felt the boredom that is so often associated with philosophical discussions. From time to time, an amusing story awakened the interest of those who were not capable of reaching the level of a philosophical discussion, and a touch of humour or a burst of laughter reminded us of what she was talking about - joyful knowledge -le gai savoir as they used to say in the French Middle-Ages!

Esoteric teaching cannot either be enclosed in words, or codified in formulae, because it is alive and varies according to individuals and circumstance. Besides, the verbal teaching of a sage is far from being the essential element in his role as a guide and guru. But was Sri Ma really a guru ? She did not give official initiation, that is, the transmission of a 'mantra' accompanied by a ritual. Then again, if one goes according to traditional rituals, no one (except her husband) can pretend to be her disciple. When this kind of initiation was necessary or was demanded, she either entrusted it to her Mother (Didima), who had taken the vows of 'sannyas ', or sent the aspirant to another guru, (in the last years of her life, however, the initiation was given by the brahmacharis of the ashram in the presence of Ma). In fact, for playing the role of a guru, some traces of ego have to persist, and ego was totally absent in Sri Ma.

However, a large number of individuals received regular instructions from her, concerning their spiritual practices. Even if she didn't give official ' diksha' she transmitted spiritual power, and that is true initiation. The people whom she guided were directed towards the flowering of their own spiritual inclinations, not those imposed upon then by a guru. One can not say that Ma had any particular methods or techniques of her own. However, she did use one 'technique' (if I can use the term) which characterised her and specially marked her teaching. From the first contact with Ma Anandamayi, one could not but be struck by her extraordinary power to draw people, recognize the dominant affective note in someone who approached her, and, entering into the game, become the person who could fill the void in that person's heart. To some she appeared as a Mother, as a friend to others, and to others, yet again, as a child. "I am your grand daughter," she used to say to elderly people who came to see her. She thus forged a bond of Love with those who came to seek refuge at her feet. This bond is often very powerful, and all mundane attractions pale before it and wither away, one by one. Because this pure and luminous love gives a joy which no pleasure of the world can equal. She directed this love towards the Divine, because it came from the Divine.

"Intense activity, and at the center of this activity, an eternal calm". This is how one could define Sri Ma's attitude in daily life. The organisation which bears her name, and which she directed, comprises about 30 ashrams, as well as the constructions put up for Ma's use in private houses. She rarely stayed at one place for more than a month. She traveled ceaselessly, as did Buddha and Shankaracharya in ancient times, taking her kind words and radiant love to those who needed them. Everywhere she went, there were immense crowds, surging around to get her 'darshan'. To her they were not anonymous crowds, because she knew how to recognize the Divine in each individual. No one was unimportant for her, and each one who approached her received as much of this Divine manna as he was capable of absorbing. When she traveled -which was very often - she was accompanied by a large number of sadhus and brahmacharis. There was the hustle and bustle of the railway stations, there were the crowds of distracted and enervated people pressing forward before her compartment at almost every station, there was the tiredness of nights spent in the train, but through it all she always had that infinitely restful smile ... and the great, eternal calm.

Her days were so charged with activity, that one wondered how a human being (but was she really a human being ?), no matter how ingenious, could sustain it without flinching. One day she presided over the inauguration of a temple or of a great religious festival (Durgapuja or Shivaratri etc...), another time she was invited by a mahatma and agreed to a tight, overtaxing schedule, yet another time it was 'Bhagwat saptah' or the annual 'Samyam saptah', if not the tiring ceremonies on the occasion of her birthday, and many, many other things. But never did one see her lose her sang-froid, not even for a second, nor get distracted. She was always infinitely kind and gentle, and had that great eternal calm.

She often stayed for a fortnight or more in one of her ashrams, whether at Benares or Vrindavan, Dehradun or Calcutta. Some of them were imposing structures with several houses. Only sannyasis and brahmacharis lived there, because absolute chastity was a condition sine qua non for being admitted to these ashrams. But do you think Ma rested here when she visited ? Even when she did, which was rarely, it was only 'rest' in relative terms; because there was always the enormous correspondence to be taken care of, the problems of the ashrams, the darshan for the visitors etc. That a person can withstand, with no apparent fatigue, such intense activity, is astonishing. But what is even more astounding is the fact that not only did she concern herself with the minutest details of everything, but whatever she did bore the mark of perfection: whether it was the details of a puja, or the instructions for the construction of an ashram or temple, or just a delicious dish she had prepared herself. She never forget anyone, even in the crowd of thousands of people. She was very particular about her appointments - a visitor who came to see her was received and bid farewell to, at an exact moment; a private interview was granted at a convenient time etc... She seemed to completely identify herself with each circumstances, and lived intensely in the present moment. Each individual who had a request received her complete attention, as he alone existed at that particular moment. If someone had any problems, she was entirely at his service solving those problems.

Thus she showed us that in daily life, one could engage oneself perfectly in activity, while always resting within the Supreme. Ma has left her physical body, but her presence is always there within us. Those who have been touched by her grace will never be able to forget her.

CHAPTER III

Shradha, faith in the Guru, faith in the efficacy of spiritual practices is a qualification which every aspirant on the spiritual path must have. For the great majority of sadhakas this faith is centered in the Jnana murti, the physical aspect of the Guru.

But this confidence must not be mistaken for what is called "blind faith," that is a belief based on the convictions of other people parents, teachers, friends, etc, - with the resolve not to abandon it even if it does not tally with actual facts or is against sound reasoning. Nor can faith be founded only on reasoning, on the process of the intellect; buddhi, intelligence is the creator of our whole mental world and its creations are based on delusion and are liable to break down like a house built without a strong foundation. The faith which comes through direct perception is no doubt the real one, but of course far beyond the reach of the sadhaka.

The faith we have in the Guru, in Mataji, has for most of us begun with some intuitive experience revealing to us the supernatural in Her. This experience is usually the starting point, the seed of the 'tree of faith'. In some cases this first experience is so overwhelming that it immediately gives a firm intuitive conviction against which the doubting processes of the mind are quite powerless. For others, this experience, although having given a strong impulse to the mind, has not silenced the doubting processes nor the critical attitude. For a third category of aspirants, the first contact with Mataji has nothing spectacular but simply awakens the interest in further inquiry. For such persons it takes a very long time, sometimes years, until their faith matures; nevertheless it penetrates and permeates the mind slowly but steadily. In fact, whatever the approach, there are three elements that must combine so that the average sadhaka may be established in shradha. The first and most important one is the intuitive experience. No matter what be its nature and intensity, it is based on the recognition of our real nature, reflected through Mataji's physical aspect. Generally it is 'kshanik' (momentary) " as a twinkling of an eye" and cannot be expressed on the discursive level of the mind. Sometimes it may even be forgotten. But as its source lies in the Eternal, it can never be wiped out and remains very powerful in the subconscious depths. The second element is supplied by our emotional nature which tries to translate the inexpressible and unique experience into terms of our experiences of the past. This is why the intuition of the real gives rise to the attachment we have for Mataji, as a Mother, a Guru etc. Thirdly, the discursive mind furnishes the cementing element in this building up of our faith for we can finally accept only what is reasonable, has been thoroughly thought out and is not contrary to what we have heard and learnt from elders and by personal experience.

Everything in the manifested universe moves under the sway of the pairs of opposites and the three gunas (the three qualities of nature). In other words the growth of faith is subject to fluctuation, depending on one of the three gunas predominant at a particular time. That is why doubt-the opposite of faith- will arise automatically and test whether our faith is built on unshakeable foundations. If it is not it must break down; but if it is genuine it will stand storms and trials and emerge ever stronger. When our mind delights in sattva (harmony) doubt has no access, for everything is then clear and self-evident; doubt comes only while we are under the influence of some emotional (rajasic) impulse or our understanding is clouded by the stupor of tamas.

An old diary written in 1951-52 ( I had my first darshan of Mataji in February 1951) gave me the idea to write this article. That diary was written with the spontaneity with which one converses with one's own self, when one can be certain that nobody else will read one's effusions. I have now translated some quotations from it from French, trying to remain as true as possible to the original. I feel it may serve as an illustration among thousands of how our faith in Mataji awakens, has to pass through severe storms and cross fires of doubt and finally emerges victorious.

"This Diary has been interrupted for over a fortnight. I take it up again at Patna ... What happened to me on February 2^nd is far more interesting than anything I may have written about before.

"I was coming from Calcutta intending to pass through Banaras hurriedly, to stay a few days at Sarnath and then if I had time to visit Rishikesh or else leave straight via, Kanhangad for Colombo, from where I had to sail back to Enrope on February 21^st ... my guide took me to the Sri Anandamayi Ashram. It is a wonderful site right on the banks of the Ganga.... " Ten minutes later Sri Anandamayi Ma appeared at the door of Her room. She speaks in Bengali and Hindi. I could understand Her only with the help of an interpreter. She was standing at the entrance of Her room. I can still see Her focussing Her eyes on me with that gaze I have come to know so well now. That seemed to embrace my whole destiny. At about 9:30 p.m. the kirtan was over. Mataji said that she could give me a private interview immediately.

"B.S acted as an interpreter. I was supposed to ask some questions, but as a matter of fact I had nothing to ask, I only wished to make a spiritual contact. It appeared as if Mataji had divined my thoughts. She herself asked the questions. They were clear cut and precise, and it seemed as it she had guessed what I wanted to know. The interview took about 20 minutes. I went back to Clark's Hotel in strange state. I began to understand what this wonderful being had infused into me: it was divine love, a love which from now on would bind me by indestructible ties - the love one has for the guru..."But I was afraid that this feeling would not last. Mataji had to leave for Vindhyachal, then Patna. I asked Her permission to accompany Her."

(In this case the initial experience was very powerful and the intellectual doubting process was therefore silenced. But doubt is bound to raise its head sooner or later.)

Banaras, July 25^th, 1951 "... Sometimes a terrible doubt gets the better of me: "This immense love, is it really so different from the love one feels for a woman? Of course there is not room for any unclear ideas. It is an absolutely pure love - and yet it is still personal and limited. Nevertheless, it is something as a perfume emanating from its bottle, it seems to pervade all being and merges it into the quest for the Absolute . How far have I deviated from the firm resolutions of my earlier life, which had until now been the main principles of my behavior: absolute freedom in oneself, to be one's own refuge, one's own law.

"This freedom I have lost. I have become the disciple of the most wonderful of all Gurus, but a disciple all the same.

"Sometimes a longing for the mountains gets hold of me again and I feel like going to a solitary place in the Himalayas and concentrate my mind on the pure Absolute to the exclusion of every things else.

"But at other moments the certainty of being on the right path is so conclusive that no question can arise. All the same these are all states of mind and I have decided to write them down so as to become clear about myself."

"... My love and veneration for Mataji are so great than I should like Her to be like a perfect diamond, that may be examined through a magnifying glass from every angle, without one's being able to detect the minutest flaw. But who am I that dare to judge this giant of spirituality? Only a Jivan mukta is able to judge a Jivan mukta. And alas! I am very far from that

"One day when I was under a spell or doubt, Mataji said in reply to someone else's question (I myself had not expressed my doubt nor asked any question) that is was impossible for the shishya to judge his Guru, just as a student is not able to judge the learning of his professor. I feel sure that she is right."

Hazaribabh, Aug 1^st 1951.

When I came to India I was following the Buddhist Theravadin path, which lays much stress on self-reliance and does not admit the necessity of a Guru.

These lines had been written at the end of the storm.

"I am beginning to think that the whole of this inner tempest has been willed and created by her, like the great magician that she certainly is. 'The ego has such subtle devices for winning back the command that has been snatched from it. Only the Guru can release one from the clutches of the ferocious tiger which the sense of I-ness is.

"I have written to S.; my resolve to go away becomes more and more firm.In fact I am like a pilgrim in the mountains suddenly enveloped by heavy mist. I do not know anymore whether I am in the right and whether I may not be pushed down into a precipice. This path is indeed as perilous as a razor's edge."

"Doubt is a terrible thing. It has raged in me for about three weeks, a very long time. If I can not regain confidence, it will be better for me to go away...."

"The crisis is not completely over. In fact what exactly is the matter; some incidents frequently repeated make me doubt whether Mataji really is what I believed Her to be, namely my Guru, someone earer than one's own heart.

"Alas! Where have fled the complete surrender, the absolute faith which possessed me only just one month ago ?"

"The crisis of doubt has entirely disappeared as if by magic, without any special event happening.

"For, in reality there is something, which when it occurs and it occurs quite frequently, does not leave any room for doubt or argument. It has the unquestionable evidence of things experienced by direct perception. What I speak about here is difficult do describe, in fact, undefinable."

(The gunas have changed: sattva has chased away tamas and with it all its mists and obscurations.)

"Again doubt assails me ...

"This rope in which I had full confidence with the help of which I was going to try to cross over the abyss, I shall test its strength; I shall pull and pull and see whether is breaks and if it is does break I shall have escaped from the great danger. If the tie that binds me to Mataji is the one which links Guru and shishya (disciple) then it is indestructible and will resist all attacks, storms and cyclones ... " For one can not be separated from one's own self."

"When doubt appears it signifies a downfall, a descent to the plane of discursive thinking. If I ever keep my consciousness in the present, doubt will not be able to arise."

"I just read what I wrote on Oct. 22^nd - I could have written it today, for it exactly pictures the state of mind at this moment. "All this is very difficult to understand. I am moving as a blind man stumbling in the dark, ever in danger to fall down."

"Whenever it seems to me that the tension is so great that I shall have to leave Mataji, it somehow is put right again, as if by magic."

Mataji's love, is it not pure Divine grace and nothing but that? This grace is a rare thing to obtain, one can not gather it like a fruit from a tree, one has to become worthy of it. Once it has been received one has to learn how to hold it, to sustain it and watch over it like a precious jewel: for it can be easily lost and may be stolen by the demon of doubt in an unguarded moment. A mere glance back towards worldliness makes it fly, away like a frightened bird."

"When I read my diary I realize that it gives the impression that I am doubting Mataji most of the time and I am ever on the point of leaving Her. But actually doubt comes fairly rarely, as an exception, so to say, the rule being periods of intense faith and love. But during those spells of deep happiness I do not feel the need of writing; usually I write only when I am depressed, doubting or despondent."

"When I read these notes I ask myself: how was it possible that I should have been so greatly deluded by blindness and stupidity? Her influence cannot be explained in any other way : she is Divine Grace, the lord Himself......But when one sees the sun shine constantly one is apt to forget that it is he who gives us light and warmth; that it is he who makes the plants grow and grants us life; that every creature on earth depends on him. Sometimes one even gets annoyed with the sun for sending its burning rays and making us feel hot and perspire, or worse than that, through one's own carelessness one may even get sun-stroke. But when the ice-cold nights of winter come, then one understands how stupid it has been to blame even for a short while the giver of life and well-being.

"What I owe to Mataji cannot possible be expressed in words. She gives everything out of pure generosity, without ever a motive. To give boundlessly without ever expecting anything in return -this is Her nature. If blindness and foolishness should ever again succeed in veiling my understanding, may I read these lines and remember. Then I shall wait calmly until the black clouds blow over and the sun shines again."

We have frequently heard Mother say that she does not go anywhere; yet we see her travel from place; being all-pervading and therefore everywhere at all times, her body and its movements have significance only for us. Mother has assured us that she will never leave us no matter where we may go or what we may do. I feel convinced that she is the all-pervading divine consciousness for whom there is no limitation of space and time; for whom the word 'impossible' has no meaning. However, for most of us, this knowledge is only on the level of the spoken word. Many just repeat it from hearsay. But those who have for a longer period of time lived under Mother's guidance, have experienced in a variety of ways the benediction of her presence and are able to understand that her blessings and her divine love are the same, whether we are far or near her physically. But our mind is like a stupid child that has to be taught his lesson again and again, because he keeps on forgetting it, until it is hammered right into his brain. On occasions something happens that impresses deeply on our foolish minds the evident fact that Mother is ever with us, seated in our own hearts, guiding us constantly, removing obstacles, saving us from dangers. It is to this that I want to refer here.

In 1954 Mother's birthday celebrations took place in the Almora ashram. I was then staying at the Varanasi ashram and proceeded to Almora to attend the function. Already for three years I had enjoyed the good fortune of living under Mother's direct guidance. During the first half of this period I had constantly traveled with Mother, accompanying her wherever she would go. To leave her even for single day was a source of almost unbearable mental suffering to me. This is how Mother has first attracts us towards her physical presence, in order to wean our minds from all worldly attachment. Love for Mother - although it is still moha(illusion) -purifies mind and heart, awakens and greatly increases our yearning for the divine. What may be achieved after long years of struggle by the practices of pranayama, japa, or self-inquiry, is accomplished within a short period of time, effortlessly, as it were, by pure and intense love for Mother. In fact, intense pure and selfless love for Mother is in itself a most powerful sadhana. This love has then to be expanded progressively to the all-pervading presence. Thus Mother leads us stage by stage.

Some temperaments may actually feel Mother nearer while far away from her in space. This may sound a paradox, but can be explained as follows: when we are with Mother physically, her sweetness, kindness and childlike simplicity makes us at times forget her divinity. While far away, if the mind is capable of rising beyond the physical aspects, we have perhaps a greater chance of grasping that which abides in the heart.

When talking of Mother's divinity, it may not be out of place here to draw attention to some misunderstanding, not uncommon with Westerners. For people in the West, grown-up in the belief of one of the Semitic religions, to worship God in the form of a human being is considered a great sin, a blasphemy. In the Occident, it is the dualistic doctrine that prevails, God being worshipped as the Lord or creator of the universe, while the individual soul in conceived as remaining ever separate from Him. In India on the other hand, the doctrine of advaita is accepted commonly by the educated. According to the advaitic teaching, the ONE, who is beyond all thought and description, is the 'Being par excellence', the substratum of everything; without him nothing can exist; in fact, he alone really exists, the phenomenal world being but a surface play, like the waves of the ocean. In a perfect being, this Divine consciousness, this eternal one is present in his full effulgence, without any covering veil. Therefore is quite natural to look upon such a being as the Divine incarnate.

But let me again take up the thread of my story. During the second half of the three years that I had spent travelling with Mother, I could bear to remain without her for short intervals; but never (as far as I remember) had I been without Mother's darshan for more than a month. When I came to Almora for the birthday celebrations, the yearning for Mother's physical presence had come again, even stronger than before. The infinite love of the Guru is quite different from what is usually called 'love'. Real love knows no weakness. It may even appear hard and merciless on occasions. The grown up child was clinging to the toys of the body, and Mother most probably knew that the time had come for him to shake off the habits of the infant.

Mother's skill in seizing the psychological moment is well known. At such a moment I was made to promise to remain in the Almora Ashram for one whole year, without travelling anywhere. One whole year without seeing Mother! It seemed like eternity to me. Previously, even after fifteen days of separation, I would count the days and wail for Mother's return, like the well-known chatak bird for the rain.

Mother stayed for more than two months at Almora that summer. Whilst she was there, a number of improvements were made in the Ashram, which thereby became a place provided with modern comforts, such as electric light, tap water, etc. Only too soon the inevitable day of Mother's departure came. I was standing by the road side, looking at Mother's car that was ready to start. It was beyond my imagination that Mother, knowing my state of mind, could leave me behind for such a long period of time. Before starting she called me, gave me her blessing and uttered a few kind and soothing words. The car began to speed down to Kathgodam. I followed it with my eyes until it vanished out of sight. All kinds of childish ideas flashed through my mind. I thought that Mother was just testing me and soon would send back someone with a message for me to join Her. But the time passed and nobody came. My mind was overcast by sadness, as the sky by dark clouds. I felt helplessly despondent and depressed. Of course. I was not compelled to stay on. (I have never witnessed Mother exercising compulsion over anyone). I could have easily followed Mother to the plains; she would probably have laughed the matter over, as had in fact already happened on a former occasion, and waited for a better opportunity to make me stay in solitude. But then I had given my word and moreover, my mind having matured in the meanwhile I understood that it was necessary for me to practice sadhana and lead a secluded life. I thus tried to divert my thoughts from their painful one-pointedness, keeping, myself engaged in some work or other. During Mother's sojourn at Almora I had temporarily occupied a room near the tank of the Patal Devi temple, since the Ashram had been overcrowd. Now I had to shift to the Ashram. So I began to pack and arrange my belongings. But my sorrow would not leave me. I was slowly ascending the narrow path leading from Patal Devi to the Ashram. The sky was spotlessly blue, the air fresh and light. In the plains, I mused, there must be broiling heat, heavy with dampness. Here at Almora was the clean stillness of the Himalayan mountains with their majestic beauty. In the plain I would have been in the midst of the bustle and noise of the towns. Travelling with Mother means to endure all kinds hardship and inconveniences. Here I had every facility, almost as in my own home. But of what value were the beautiful scenery, the bracing climate, physical comforts and all the rest, when the main thing was lacking - namely the happiness I found in Mother's presence. It was a happiness that did not depend on any outer circumstance.

With eyes veiled by tears, I was gazing at the gorgeous range of mountain peaks in the direction of Kasar Devi. All of a sudden something extraordinary happened. My whole being was flooded with joy. Mother was there! Here, present before me! Yet, not in Her physical form ......... but how to describe what cannot be put into words? There was no form, yet I could clearly see her long black hair floating along the mountain. There was no face, although I could distinctly perceive her divinely sweet smile filling my head with inexpressible joy and peace. Glued to the spot I stood like a small child gazing in awe and wonder at her majestic features. She was outside and also inside of me, verily, she was my life force, my prana having taken shape, nay, she was the prana of my prana. No sound could be heard, but in the depths of my heart I understood the meaning of Her silence. It was telling me: "why do you lament, O fool? I have not gone far away from you; ever present in your heart, I am your Real Self;" This experience lasted for a few minutes only, but it sufficed to disperse the clouds of my misery, to chase away the heavy mists that had obscured my understanding.

Not only in times of distress is Mother present; she is ever watchful, even where the small details of our daily routine are concerned. The following is an instance of how we are sometimes made aware of this fact.

It happened at the Varanasi (Benaras) Ashram. That Ashram, apart from its sanctity, is one of the beauty spots of the city. Even tourists often come to see it. It is situated right on the banks of the Ganges, built on an elevated foundation, overlooking the river. The terrace and the roofs command an extensive and inspiring view over the Ganges here, perhaps more than elsewhere, the Ganges has a great natural beauty. In the rainy season it becomes flooded and gives the impression of a huge lake. To the left the crescent of the ghats up to the Dufferin bridge spreads out. In the dark of night the funeral pyres may be seen burning at the manikarnika ghat, standing out like sign posts, to remind us in the eternal city of the impermanence of all that is born; to the left, on the opposite river bank, is visible the small but picturesque town of Ramnagar, with the palace of the Raja of Benares. Opposite Ramnagar lies Lanka and the Hindu University. At the time of which I am telling, the Ashram was much more charming than it is now. Its beauty was enhanced by semi-circular terrace, protruding over the river, with two small, finely built temples on either side. The spacious hall below the terrace was used for religious gatherings such as kirtans, devotional singing, discourses, discussions on religious and philosophical topics, and so forth. To the right and left of the hall were a few rooms to accommodate ashramites or guests. The whole Ashram front with the terrace, the hall, the exquisite little temples and the guest rooms had to be demolished a few years ago, since they were in danger of collapsing, due to damage caused by high floods.

At the time to which my story refers, some threatening cracks had already appeared. The hall could not anymore be used for public gatherings, and visitors were not allowed to go downstairs. Only a few inmates occupied some of the side rooms. I happened to be one of those fortunate ones. I say 'fortunate,' for I enjoyed the great privilege of living in solitude, right in the midst of that crowded Ashram. My room, facing the Ganges, was near "Anandamayi Ghat". In the stillness of night I frequently would sit in the hall near a window that opened out onto the river.

Next to the Ashram, on top of the ghat is a small shrine, dedicated to Sri Ganesh. Every year the community of fishermen who live in the vicinity, organizes a function that continues for five days. The celebrations begins on the fourth day of the bright moon of the month of margashirsha (November-December). On this occasion a raised platform is erected over the ghat, while the lower is supported by wooden pillars. A canvas roof and canvas walls are pitched over the platform and beautifully decorated. Every evening, when their day's work is over, the devotees assemble in the pandal, where kirtan, devotional singing and the recitation of scriptures continue until late at night.

During one of those nights; I was as usually sitting in the hall, looking down at the river. Mother was not at Varanasi at the time. I could distinctly hear all that was being said or sung at the function on the ghat. Frequently, sadhakas who start engaging in regular spiritual practice and live a secluded life, become very sensitive to the vibrations of their surroundings. This was also the case with me at that time. But the loudness of the function did not disturb me at all, so long as it was of a religious nature. On the contrary, I listened with great joy and appreciation to the Nama kirtan and the bhajans, but all other kinds of sounds or noise would sometimes considerably upset me.

That night I could observe that the mood of the people on the platform was gradually changing. Although I was unable to understand the words of their songs, yet the tunes and the laughter of the audience gave me the impression that the celebration had taken a worldly turn. It was perhaps quite harmless and moreover my impression might have been wrong; but that night I seemed particularly sensitive and felt quite disturbed. In prayerful mood, I said mentally : "In holy Kashi, on the banks of the Ganges, next to Sri Anandamayi Ahram, how can one possibly indulge in vulgar songs ? They should at least sing the (illusion (illusion mahamantra !"

No sooner had this prayer taken shape in my mind than I heard a mighty sound - I could even say that I 'saw' the sound. It is a well-known fact that sound and form are intimately connected. There is a level of perception where the two mingle. The sound I heard was not uttered by any human voice, it had its own living personality. It came like a huge wave from the terrace of the Ashram, flowed down into the hall and finally enveloped the platform where the function was in progress. Although the wave had no definite shape, I somehow felt that it was connected with Mother's physical presence. The sound wave was uttering once only "Hari bol" (which means "repeat the name of the Lord"), but not in the tune in which Mother usually sings these words. Here the voice was mighty and stern, like a rebuke or severe command. No sooner had the wave engulfed the platform, hen the people present stopped singing instantaneously. A blank silence prevailed for a few minutes. Then, without any transition, they began to chant : "Hare Ram, hare Ram, Ram, Ram, hare, hare", which is the first verse of the mahamantra. They continued with this for some time, without singing the second verse (Hare Krishna etc). Later they sang "Sitaram, Sitaram" and as far I remember the remaining part of the night was spent in Nama kirtan.

My prayer was a childish one and hardly deserved such a supernatural response. But very likely it was one of those psychological moments, a moment of conjunction, brought about by the interplay of various factors, in which the lesson so frequently forgotten, could be hammered into the mind of the above-mentioned child.

The physical aspect through which the inscrutable Power that we call Sri Sri Anandamayee Ma manifests Itself, is only a tiny part of It, and probably not the most important. Mother has frequently repeated that She is all-pervading, that She never goes, nor comes anywhere, that She was never born and so on. Thus, it is evident that She is not the physical body, which seems to be only an instrument, representing the link between us and the Divine Power : Mother's physical frame, although looking apparently as one of us, is in essence completely different. It is an aprakrita, supernatural manifestation which has not come according to natural laws, and is not subject to them.

In her early life, Mother has on many occasions shown Her independence where natural laws are concerned. All Her devotees have read or heard about the shrinking of Her body which became like a small heap and its becoming unnaturally big at other times. For long periods Mother could stay without food or with a very tiny quantity of food or water without any change in Her physical aspect; pain of any kind does not seem to affect Her in the least. On many instances the laws of gravity appeared to have lost their validity with regard to her body. As for example the body becoming as light as a feather or revolving at an extraordinary speed like a dead leaf carried along by the wind. All these things I have not witnessed but only heard or read about. But surely, the most amazing thing I find, is that She behaves in our natural way as an ordinary person. It is very difficult for those who are under the sway of natural laws, to reach a stage where one is able to reverse these laws and be their master to a certain extent. Much more difficult is it to ignore nature completely and identify oneself with the Eternal Witness, unruffled by earthly troubles. But extremely rare are those sages for whom there is no difference between the highest states of illumination and ordinary life; for them the Supreme is revealed even in what we call the trivialities of daily life. A fixed span of life has been allotted for the life of every human being including the ' jivan-mukta'. The duration of the body is subject to 'prarabdha'. Not so in Mother's case : She is free to leave the body at any moment or to keep it for the whole kalpa (era) if this be Her 'kheyal'. But Mother has no desire to act in one way or another. It is the yearning of Her devotees which keeps Her, through the fetters of Her own infinite love just as an affectionate Mother is bound by the cries of her baby, who although helpless is nevertheless all-powerful because of his Mother's love.

Some people may ask : What is the use of such a limiting adjust as a physical body, if Mother's power is all-pervading beyond space and time and as many people have experienced, helping as well when near by as when far off, no matter at what distance ? Besides would not the attachment which so many people feel for Mother's physical presence be delusive, a kind of ' moha '? First of all, let me answer that people who are to already free from every kind of attachment, who are ' nirmoha ', are in fact realised sages. For all others, attachment to such a Being as Mother is the highest possible attachment on earth, and will burn in due time all other kinds of moha. "By moha for this body (meaning Herself) all other kinds of moha will vanish" I have once heard Mother say.

Now a Divine Incarnation is of tremendous benefit to all embodied beings. This help manifests itself in many ways. I shall write only about a few of these of which, from my limited angle of vision I have been able to get a glimpse. I don't intend to speak here of Her main function self evident to everybody, that is to say Her enlightening words on spiritual topics, Her guidance and precious advice to sadhakas, neither of Her action as a guru, which does not depend on Her physical frame. But only of some other aspects not so apparent, although of great importance.

In the realm of the 'ahamkara', the ego, where almost all of us are living, there is no real love. What is nearest to love known to 'ahamkara' is 'moha', attachment. Real love would presuppose the ego's dissolution, its end. The root of all its actions is the instinct of preservation. All its thoughts revolve round the protection of its body and its welfare. In order to free oneself from the clutches of this ego, one has first to resist its tendencies and for this purpose cultivate the pure qualities, the daivi sampat.

We have all read in books about satya, ahimsa, etc., and listened to much talk and good advice about these. But to actually see these qualities in a living being expressed in the details of his daily life, is surely quite another thing. Through Mother's physical frame, all these qualities shine to their utmost perfection. If it were not so why would so many people be attracted by Her ?

How rare it is to come across somebody completely free from any kind of fear : abhayam is indeed only possible when one does not anymore perceive anything different from one's own self. Even the Gods are subject to fear. Through fear Agni burns, etc. says the Upanishad. For about seven years I have had the good fortune of living under Mother's guidance, I have never been able to detect in Her features the slightest trace of fear. What a joy it is to admire such a countenance!

Ahimsa, non - injury to any living being is more common. Mother shows us by Her own example how it can be practiced in daily life and brought to perfection. Not to kill any living being is a self-evident duty for a sadhaka. But not to cause harm to anybody, be it through words, action or abstention from action, even by one's mere presence or in thought, is certainly much more difficult.

On innumerable occasions we have witnessed with what delicacy Mother behaves in order to avoid causing the least harm or offence through Her own person or through that of a devotee. Even dogs must not be harmed. I remember once in Solon having seen Mother changing the usual path of Her evening stroll in order that a dog lying in Her way may not be disturbed. One day an attendant who had chased away the animal was rebuked : " Why do you chase it away ?" said Mother, " it enjoys the cool earth." One several occasions Brahmacharis who had beaten, or even intended to beat a dog were requested by Mother to do 'pranam' to the animal, in order to ask forgiveness from the Lord dwelling in the dog.

Satyam, truthfulness I have heard Mother say, means, not to utter any lie be it in words, by signs or by abstention from words. She added that if one could practice such truthfulness for a period of twelve years, whatever one uttered would become true. Mother lays great stress on the importance of speaking the truth under all circumstances. Needless to say that She Herself gives us a living example of how Satyam can be brought to its utmost perfection. Apart from Her Almighty Power, this alone would suffice to make all Her utterances come true.

As to akrodha, absence of anger, surely there is no need to say that Mother never gets angry. Not even the slightest sign of irritation or impatience can ever be detected in Her

Mother comes in contact with hundreds and thousands of people of all kinds of temperaments and social levels. It naturally happens from time to time that some people behave in a manner lacking in courtesy or that they utter words one wouldn't expect to hear in the presence of such a great Being. But the cruder these peoples conduct themselves the more radiantly Mother smiles and the more She responds with kindness and love. She frequently gives to such offenders greater attention than to other people. It looks as if She behaves as a good doctor who takes better care of patients who are severely ill than of those suffering only from slight cough or cold. As everybody knows, Mother does not deliver discourses or lectures ; but She replies to questions that are asked on spiritual topics. Most people listen with rapt attention to the words of Divine Wisdom falling from Her lips. But sometimes people, giving way to their urge to speak, interrupt Mother's talk by remarks of their own or some silly question. Mother, not only does not rebuke them, but She never shows the slightest sign of impatience. She generally cuts short Her own explanation and after hearing with interest and a loving smile the words of the foolish interrupter, tries to clear up his doubts with infinite patience and love, which surely are not to be found in any human teacher.

What else should I say about the divine qualities revealed through Mother's physical frame, this embodiment of Wisdom and Love. "pure like the sun" ? If I continue, there will be no end of writing.

(2)

The path of sadhana is indeed not an easy one ; "like the edge of razor", say the sages. The main difficulty lies in the fact that the right way is very hard to find and much more to keep to, while false views or half-truths are often easy and attractive. Naturally it happens frequently that the mind of the sadhaka goes astray. Of course he can always ask Mother's advice. But frequently he is not aware of the fact that he has gone in a wrong direction. Furthermore there are many things that cannot be explained in words. But there is some special quality of Mother's physical presence. The shadows of the night do not persist before the rising sun. By Her mere presence many people have found their mental problems solved. The despondent person regains confidence in himself; he who is afraid finds renewed courage to face the battle; another one whose mind has been tainted by worldliness becomes purified as after a bath in the Divine Ganges; someone else stagnant due to lack of energy feels the impulse of an unnatural increase of power; sometimes an obstacle on the path melts like ice before the sun. What was crooked becomes straight, confusion is cleared up, impurities are washed away. Such is the Power radiating from Her Physical Presence.

(3)

The results of our previous actions, our 'Karma Phal', sometimes goes and blocks the road to further progress, or if the road is not completely obstructed, the progress becomes very slow as that of a horse carriage advancing with great difficulty due to excess of load. Sometimes we are able to overcome the Karmic obstacles by our own effort. But frequently the task is too great for us, and stagnation or even a downfall might become our fate if Mother's Divine Grace did not intervene.

Mother's physical frame has, as stated above, not come into existence due to 'Prarabdha Karma', nor is it subject to it. She is able, if She so wishes, to use Her body for the purpose of absorbing part of the Karma of others. The fatality of Karma does not lie in the totality of the favorable or unfavorable circumstances, to which we are subjected. In all circumstances there is a central kernel which consists in the change of the pranic vibration and manifests fundamentally as pleasure or pain. The outer conditions and our mental reactions, that is to say the whole Namarupa are illusory and depend mainly on our belief in their reality. He who knows this, and has fully mastered it, can reduce the Karmic effects to their minimum, that is to say, to some temporary physical or pranic disease. We of course are not able to do this. But Mother can and also far beyond this, where our imagination cannot reach. Mother being egoless, can identify Herself with anybody, and take away from him part of the Karma he would have to suffer according to the natural laws. As said above, the root of the Karmic effect lies in the Pranic vibration. As in the case of Mother there is no ahamkar to brood around it and make of it a huge affair (as usually happens with us), the Nama rupa is reduced or translated according to the case, to a disorder in the subtle body, or if the Karma is heavy to a physical indisposition or illness. This, it seems to me, is one of the main reasons why Mother gets ill from time to time. I have no doubt that, when we behave or think in an unworthy manner the reaction is felt in Mother's health.

(4)

A sadhaka, if he wants to succeed must become 'Nishanga', free from all human attachment. The attachment we feel for our relatives and friends must be replaced by an equal sympathy for all living beings. At first consideration this may look fairly easy. But we soon become aware of how powerful the emotional part of our personality is, and that its roots reach very deep in our subconscious mind. In fact the emotional nature has not to be destroyed, but must be directed in a proper way. It then becomes a help to our spiritual ascent. To understand that this emotional urge is nothing but our yearning to get back to the natural state, our Real Nature, is surely the highest kind of bhakti. But only a very few are able to sustain this attitude of mind. Most sadhakas require an outer object for their devotion, that is to say a name or form as a symbol of the Eternal One.

The Ishta Deva and the Guru are of course excellent objects of devotion. A great number of Mother's devotees regard Her as an embodiment of their Ishta or as their Guru, and worship Her in that spirit.

Westerners and Westernised minds are very reluctant to tolerate the worship of a living sage or saint. The reason is, it seems to me, a misunderstanding around the word "devotion". In almost all Western religions, God is worshipped as a perfect Being, eternally different from the individual soul. The attitude of the devotee, is of course, that of love, but also of veneration mixed with more or less awe. But in India it is quite different . Almost all the orthodox schools hold that the individual soul is or of the same nature as God. Even the hardest dwaitist agrees that God, the "Antaryamin" abides in the heart of all beings, that He is nearer to us than our own ego. The consequence is a devotion without awe or fear, almost as intimate as for one's own father and Mother. Moreover, the educated Hindu understands that devotion to the Personal Aspect is only a temporary stage, a stepping stone which will ultimately enable him to realise the Oneness of All. If taken in this spirit, any symbol may lead to the Goal. However it seems to me, that a realised sage, the embodiment of Divine Consciousness, is the most appropriate object of worship, if such an object is required.

I must say that Mother does not at all encourage the worship of Her physical frame. On several occasions I witnessed how She diverted a Puja of this kind trying to awaken the understanding that the object to be worshipped is the ONE residing in the hearts of all. Mother lives in the "Yatra Naanyat Pashyati' where one does not behold anything but the One Self where there is neither a worshiper nor any object of worship. But from our point of view, whatever we think She is, She will actually be for us (as She Herself has pointed out on many occasions). As pure gold can be shaped in any form, but ever remains the same gold, so the Divine Consciousness, manifesting Itself through Mother's body, can be thought of in any form, without ever losing its Primeval Aspect. In whatever way our relationship with Mother may begin, it will lead us sooner or later to the realization of THAT whish IS.

A few months ago, in Dehradun some of us feared that Mother might leave Her physical frame. She is free to do so or to keep it for any length of time. May she in Her boundless compassion, keep the flame of life in this gross manifestation of Her for a long time. May all Her children offer to this flame only the pure oblations it demands, stainless and unselfish devotion, pure action and thinking, as well as intense yearning for the Divine.

"Yato vacho nivartante aprapya manasa saha " form where all speech turns back and also the mind, having been unable to reach it, says the Taittiria Upanishad. The purpose of spiritual instruction is to reverse the outgoing current of the mind and turn it inwards to its source. On the path to self knowledge the aspirant has to advance stage by stage, penetrating deeper and deeper, starting from the most superficial level until he reaches the firm ground of the Great Silence. The deeper levels are the bases and contain potentially the more superficial ones just as for example several leaves grow on a twig of a tree, several twigs on a branch, and so forth. Consequently the deeper one penetrates the more concentrated and efficient will the mind become. Instructions received by mere verbal explanation will carry much less conviction. At the deeper levels things bear the evidence of direct perception and appear much than the arguments of discursive thinking.

This is why almost all religions make extensive use of various kinds of symbols idols with human or animal features, (murtis), geometrical designs (yantras), sounds (bija mantra) etc. in order to appeal to ever deeper layers of the mind. The greater the depths which the disciple reaches the simpler will be the symbols he needs.

Probably all great teachers have made use of that way of conveying truth without the help of the discursive thinking aspect. Mataji in Her daily contact with her devotees quite frequently seems to impart some of the precious teachings in a similar way. But alas often we fail to take full advantage of this divine dew: at times because of our lack of awareness, but also because it appears so simple to us that we do not make an effort to grasp its real meaning. Mataji's infinite kindness sometimes makes us forget who she really is: that Her sayings are teaching of the Holy Scriptures; the words uttered by Her lips like mantras; Her gestures mudras and Her facial expressions the images of the Divine with form. Like most of us I have been able to catch only a few isolated drips of this divine dew. It is from my own limited angle of vision that I take the liberty to write about this very profound teaching of Mataji. The few examples that follow will give only a faint idea of it.

1. Asking for news

Let me begin with something that appears most insignificant. ... Mataji frequently asks people: "How are you ?" Are you well ?" etc. When returning to Varanasi after a journey she usually would ask me and others this question. In the beginning, although I was glad to receive Mataji's attention, I did not attach much importance to this. Later, however, I came to observe that she put this question in many different ways and on definite occasions. Once I was in a stage of despondency, feeling that I was not progressing at all with my sadhana, maybe that I was even moving in a wrong direction, while as a matter of fact, as I understood later, exactly the reverse was true. During that period Mataji asked me on two occasions: "Tum bahut achhe ho?" meaning "You are very well?" She used a slightly questioning intonation and spoke with a loud voice as if she wanted to impress something on my mind.

At some other time I was thinking that I was progressing fast and quite unconsciously was getting a little puffed up with pride. But this attitude on the spiritual path is indeed the surest way to downfall. When Ma come to Varanasi, She asked me: "Tum achhe ho, na ?" meaning: "You are all right, aren't you ?" but word by word: "You are all right, no"? This question drew my attention to the weak point and I corrected my attitude of mind.

2. Defect in voice

The following example although not concerned with any teaching is an interesting illustration of how an apparent defect in Mataji's voice can have a very good reason.

Once after the rainy season I got a pain in my tonsils which lasted for one and a half months without my being able to get rid of it. Mataji had just arrived form Hardwar, I believe. She set down on the veranda in front of the Annapurna Temple; we were about twenty people sitting around her. She looked in my direction and said: "Tum kaise ho ?" I was not sure whether Her question had been addressed to me and kept quiet, wondering. Mataji repeated the question looking straight at me. This time her voice seemed hoarse, as if she had a sore throat, although actually Mataji's health was quite all right that day. At that moment I had forgotten all about my aching tonsils and answered: "I am all right." The next day my throat was completely cured.

Once I went to see Mataji at Vindhyachal and it was decided that I should remain there for some time after her departure. Mataji said "you may stay in the cave at the "bhajanalay" (a place to do sadhana) you are "Bhajanananda" (a short form for felicity of sadhana). When pronouncing that last word Her voice choked as if she had wanted to utter my real name, which is 'Vijayananda,' but a wrong word had come out by mistake. My first reaction was a slight displeasure to hear Mataji call me by a wrong name; but immediately after and much more so later I grasped the deep meaning of Her apparent mistake and the blessing it contained.

Our facial expression is of great importance in our relationship with one another. Everybody can to a varying degree interpret the meaning expressed through the mimicry of the face, although with most people it is half unconscious and obscured by a great deal of discursive thinking. Our facial muscles are almost constantly moving and expressing various ideas. But this movement revolves round a central image which will be prominent for some hours or sometimes even days, and which represents the temporary personality with whom we are identified at the moment. This central image has its origin in the movement of the vital force. Most of the time, however, we are fully identified with this central image and therefore completely unaware of it. If we could watch it as a spectator a great deal would be achieved as regards the control of our mind. Mataji has many ways of helping us to this awareness. Sometimes She acts as a mirror, reflecting for a short while through Her countenance our state of mind, or its opposite or its complement. If we could keenly observe the changes in Mataji's countenance with an attitude of love and reverence, we should greatly benefit spiritually. All the modifications in the facial expressions happen with full consciousness and have a definite meaning. The pure sattva that shines through Mataji's body is in itself a potent upadesha (spiritual teaching).

Sometimes Mataji brings about circumstances that strike our mind just at the psychological moment and impress it much more than a long discourse could possibly do. One evening at Varanasi Mataji was walking on the terrace facing the Ganges. I was leaning against the small shrine of Shiva situated at the back of the terrace. That day I felt greatly depressed thinking that I was not progressing enough. I looked sadly at Mataji and told Her mentally "Ma! Vijayananda has not yet got 'Vijaya' (victory) !" While thinking these words I had quite mechanically picked one of the flowers of the Akand tree that grows in the courtyard of the Ashram near the Shiva shrine. It was only a bud and still completely closed. I took it in my left hand and touched its top slightly with one finger of the right hand. As soon as I touched it the bud opened slowly and spread its petals up to full blossoming . I had not exercised any pressure, but just touched it lightly. Neither was this due to any pranic force flowing through my body; I afterwards tried several times to reproduce this feat again, but never succeeded. It was no doubt Mataji's response to my complaint and in this original way it was impressed on my mind at that very instant. The answer was, clear enough, what Mataji usually replies to a complaint or query of that sort. "It may happen even now at this very moment !' namely self-realization.

Once in Dehradun Mataji was sitting in the kirtan hall of the Kishenpur Ashram after the silence that is observed daily from 8:45 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. Some devotees had brought a few mangoes, but there were not enough for a general distribution and so Mataji gave them only to the children present. Those mangoes were slightly yellowish. Among the lot there was one green-one, apparently unripe. Mataji threw it to me saying: "Kachha hai, bahut kachha" ("Unripe-very unripe!") Mataji's prasad given with Her own hands is a rare and precious thing, whatever it may be.

Many people are attracted towards the spiritual path or eager to come in contact with saints and sages by the lure of psychic powers. Frequently we have been asked by outsiders whether Mother performs miracles. This childish attitude towards the 'beyond' generally changes when people become more familiar with spiritual things. All miracles are within the realm of the illusory world (maya) and thus subject to relativity. For example to fly in the air, a normal thing for a bird, becomes a miracle when achieved by a human being. In any case, the Power that has brought into being this relative universe can also alter its details or the whole of it : and this Power resides in all living things and by its mere presence constantly performs the miracle of dynamic life.

But let us examine the problem from the ordinary (vyavaharic) point of view in order to reply to the question whether Mother performs miracles. It is a well known fact that at a certain stage of development Yogis are able to accomplish all sorts of feats that strike the imagination of the ordinary man. This is brought to its culmination in what is called the state of hiranyagarbha, when one has mastered the cosmic prana and is identified with it. But this is by no means the final goal; all sages insist that psychic powers are only obstacles on the way and that to make use of them would block the road to further progress.

Great bhaktas also are able to perform miracles. Their personal will having been completely surrendered to God, they are not bound by psychic powers. In their case a miracle may be wrought by the Divine Will sometimes even without their being aware of it. As regards the full blown Jnani, who is perfectly established in the Real, there is no reason for him to be interested in changes within the illusory world that is to say in substituting one kind of illusion for another.

Mother cannot be called a Yogini, although during the period of Her life when She played the role of a sadhika, She passed in an extraordinarily short span of time through all the stages and varieties of Yoga, right to their final perfection. Nor may we call Her a bhakta, although this too has been part of Her lila of sadhana, for in the state of Oneness there is no worshipper nor any object of worship. Moreover from the point of view of Her devotees She is Herself the object of worship.

She is no doubt a perfect Jnani and a liberated being, but not in the ordinary sense of these words. For to have attained to Jnana one must first have been in ajnana, to be liberated one must first have been in bondage, except as a matter of play during a period of Her lila of sadhana. An M.A. who plays at appearing for matriculation does not thereby cease to be an M.A. As regards miracles it seems inappropriate to say that Mother has supernatural powers : for Her there is no difference between the natural and the supernatural and what we style as miracles comes to Her as naturally as to us eating or walking. Many saints and sages of the past have performed miracles in a spectacular manner in order to convince people of their spiritual attainment or their divine mission. Nothing of this kind has ever been noticed in Mother's case.

When asked about some supernatural happening She looks unattached and almost unconcerned. The reason I believe to be that She considers psychic feats as what they really are, trifling things. Further more it is my own (no doubt limited) opinion that Mother does not perform the miracles Herself. Let me make this clear: Mother, who is now near to our hearts is the same Mother as that Being spoken of in the Scriptures : free from the taints of birth and rebirth, all knowing, all powerful pure Consciousness, etc. This Consciousness does not act by Itself, but through the medium of Its maya, Its Shakti ; it is not Mother who performs the miracles, but Her Shakti, at Her slightest wish or indication as king has just to say one word or make a sign to his minister and he knows that the work will be done to perfection, he may even ignore the details and the way in which it is being done.

But let us leave the field of speculation and see how in daily life Mother plays with the so called supernatural, for no other purpose than our spiritual benefit and from no other motive than Her infinite mercy.

Curing diseases is the first thing a layman expects a sage to be able to do. Amongst the crowds surrounding Mother one might discover a good number of people who have come in the hope of being relieved from a disease which doctors have failed to cure. But let people approach Her from any motive, in whatever way their relationship with Her may begin, it will sooner or later lead them to the right path.

When an unperfected Yogi uses his power to heal, he may possibly create a disturbance in the patient. Diseases sometimes prove helpful to spiritual progress or else protect the aspirant from some other greater evil. Besides they happen by the law of Karma and if removed the reaction will be felt in another way. But Mother knows the source of everything and when someone is cured by Her grace as it frequently happens the results of the Karma (Karma phal) are cut out by their roots. Almost each one of Her devotees will be able to relate at least one case where Her grace has relieved him from some illness, be it a most severe disease (in the case of the leper cured in Ambala in 1951) or perhaps just an ordinary rheumatic pain. Sometimes when the disease is likely to be helpful She may shift it to a period when the individual will be able to bear it more easily and get the maximum benefit out of it.

Even the Angel of Death has to obey Her. Only quite recently I heard about a devotee who was to die while on tour in America. But by Mother's grace his death was postponed until he returned to his family in India, where he finally expired. I am told by a reliable person that Mother has confirmed this fact.

What first strikes people who come in contact with Mother is Her extraordinary power to captivate human hearts. Some sadhakas, especially those following the tantric path acquire in the first stages the power to charm people. This power is rooted in the vital being. Others in whom the sattva guna predominates, attract people by a natural charm emanating from their body. But Mother's attraction is of quite a different nature. It is the reflection of our own true Self, the Atma that shines through Mother's physical frame.

As soon as we come in contact with Mother, at the first glance She sees our minds from the most secret subconscious level up to our superficial social personality, as easily as we may read from an open book. Whenever we come into Mother's presence She immediately knows our state of mind, why we feel worried or pleased etc. It often occurs that someone having asked Mother a question mentally, will get the reply either uttered audibly by Her or in any other way, depending on the circumstances. To tell Her a lie or to try to conceal something from her is to act like the ostrich that hides its head in the sand. All this has been said from the ordinary point of view, for in reality Mother has no need to read our minds She is ourselves.

Ma had the quality of seeing and hearing from a distance. She has Herself said : " Just as at a flash of torch light your faces gleam forth in bold outline, all your facial expressions appears in my mind when you meditate on me or talk about me or pray to me." Many of us have experienced that prayers addressed to Mother mentally and from any distance receive a response ; that She has an amazing knowledge of what we do most secretly. As regards our sadhana for instance She at times discloses in private or public things which we believed nobody could possibly know.

Our thoughts, our attitude of mind, our moods at certain periods which may last for several days are based on definite types that have their root in the flow of the pranic energy (life force) in our bodies. Mother can at will change that root and thereby our whole attitude of mind.

The world that we perceive with our senses is only a part of the manifested universe. The sages say that there are other planes, six higher than the physical plane and seven nether worlds. Mother has often told us how beings invisible to ordinary eyes come to pay their respects to Her. In the life of the Lord Buddha it has also been recorded that devas came into His presence.

Sometimes, if necessary, Mataji may manifest Herself far away from Her physical body, in a subtle body. Some of Her devotees have actually felt Her presence in sukshma (subtle form).

9.

We read in the Bible how Christ performed the miracle of feeding a multitude with a small amount of food. On several occasions, when Mataji was distributing prasad a small quantity was found sufficient for a large number of people. It happens, while distributing fruit for example that the number of fruits tallies exactly with that of the persons present. In some cases when there appeared to be shortage of one fruit, it was found out later that one person had received a double share and that this had a special significance.

Everything that Mother does is infallible (amogha) and bears the touch of perfection even to the slightest detail. Suppose She cooks some food, it is always most delicious-not the best cook would be able to equal it; if She distributes fruits and sweets they are of the best type and according to the taste of the recipient; if She presents us with some cloth it will be just at the moment we need it and exactly the kind we were wanting; when She sings, it is always in perfect rhythm and tune. I have never seen Mother play a musical instrument except once, a few months ago, when She took a pair of cymbals (kartal) into Her hands and began to play with such skill and perfection, as no human being would be able to do. The atmosphere of the miraculous around Mother has impressed me ever since the very first day that I have met Her. It is a daily experience in our relationship with Mother.

Mother can call down rain or stop it at will. When She toured South Indian in 1952, Madras Province had been suffering from acute scarcity of rain for a prolonged period. I was present when a delegation came and prayed to Mother to bring about rainfall. No sooner had Mother and Her party crossed over the area of South India on our way back, it began to rain in great abundance. This was reported in the newspapers.

Almost everyone of Mother's devotees will be able to recount at least one or two miracles that Mother has wrought for him or in his presence. But the most wonderful miracle that She performs and the least apparent is that of the purification and transformation of our minds and hearts. Mother has repeatedly declared that in actual fact there is no need for us to "become" liberated: we are already free. The only thing that has to be done is to remove the obstacles that veil Reality, namely to purify the mind. many aspirants can bear witness as to how Mother helped them on this 'razor edge' path not only the way every Guru does, but in a miraculous way, obliterating in a few days obstructions that would normally have required long years of strenuous efforts to be overcome. Sometimes even, identified with the sadhakaa She may carry him across an obstacle, like a Mother lifting her child up in her arms. The miracle of inner transformation is the true miracle for this alone we should pray to Mother.

(January 1986)

We frequently heard a saying that MA is all pervading. Her action was not limited to Her physical body, and She could hear our prayers at any distance. But these things are difficult to believe until one has actually experienced them. To strengthen our faith MA sometimes provided us with this experience. Every devotee of MA could tell at least one happening to this effect. The three following stories are an humble contribution in that direction.

This happened in Ma's Ashram at Varanasi, perhaps between 1953 and 1959. I do not remember the exact date. I was staying in a room on the second floor of the Ashram and doing hard tapasya. As it happens to many sadhakas on such occasions one day my mind got into a mood of despondency. Why ? Perhaps lack of progress in Sadhana. Or may be some shrinking away from the difficulties and the dangers involved. Ma was not at Banaras at that time. But anyhow to whom could I look for help if not to Ma. Her photo was on a shelf in my room (it was my Puja photo) and I addressed my prayers through that image. While I was engaged in this pious mood somebody knocked at my door. I opened. The person handed me over a magazine from France. It was Buddhist Journal I was receiving every three months. I opened it absent-mindedly still engrossed in my inner mood. It was written in French, but a few lines in English from the editor's columns attracted my attention; it was a few verses from Tagore:

I was stunned ! This was just the right answer to my prayer. How mysterious are Ma's ways ! I cut out these few lines from the Buddhist Journal and put it under the frame of my Puja Photo. It is still there.

II "Ma Eshechen" (Ma has come)

My first DARSHAN of Sri Ma was on 2^nd February 1951. The next day, through Her infinite grace, She accepted me in Her Ashram at Varanasi. After that I was constantly with Her during 19 months (except one day when She had sent me with an advance party) travelling in Her compartment, frequently in Her car, and of course in Her room whenever it was possible ; that means many many hours. At that time the rule was that whenever the door was open we could enter Ma's room and sit at Her feet .

What a joy it was to sit silently near the Embodiment of the Divine Mother, and of partaking in some measure of the Bliss of which She was the embodiment. But it was not just an idle enjoyment. Her very presence was a teaching. Without telling a word She was bringing about a radical transformation of one's being ; opening the nadis, loosening the fetters that were binding us since many lives, purifying the mind etc. etc... . Actually most of my sadhana in the early years was done while sitting at the Holy Feet of Sri Ma. My attachment for Ma's physical presence was so great that a simple delay or shortening of