Compassionate Mother Anandamayee

Swami Vijayananda (Dr. Adoiphe Weintrob)*

Miracles still happen nowadays, and sometimes the most wild dreams become true; and this is what happened to me when I met Sri Ma Ananadmayee for the first time on the 2nd of February 1951 at Her Varanasi Ashram.

I had come to India in search of a Guru. Not just a teacher, but one of those mysterious Great Beings, who can by their mere presence awaken in us the inner power which makes real Sadhana possible.

I knew almost nothing about Sri Ma Ananadamayee. The first time her name was mentioned before me was at Aurobindo Ashram in Pondicherry. One Canadian lady who was coming from Northern India advised me to visit the Ashram of Sri Ma Anandamayee beautifully nested on the bank of the Ganges, and to have the Darshan of Sri Ma. It did not awaken in me any interest. Nevertheless, I noted down Her name among other things worthwhile to be seen at Benaras. I had already lost any hope to find the sage I was looking for and my passage back to France was already booked on the 218t of February from Colombo.

I reached Varanasi on the first of February and got my accommodation at the Clark’s Hotel, near the Cantonment Station. The next day in the afternoon a young man (I had an introduction letter from his uncle) accompanied me to Bhadaini area of the town. We crossed a narrow lane, entered through a small door and found us all of a sudden in a vast majestic ashram overlooking the Ganges with a breathtaking view along the Ghats. It was the Ashram of Sree Sree Ma Anandamayee.

My first idea was to have a look and go away. But Sree Ma was just coming out from the Kanyapeeth building. My companion introduced me to Her. They were talking in Bengali. The young man told me : “Ma says you are good.” She was looking at me with this strange look which is so familiar to me now. She looks at you, but also far beyond, in your past, your future, your whole destiny.

Can I recollect my first impression? Surprise, I believe. I expected to see an old lady with white hair but I found myself before a person looking fairly young with Her jet black hair falling on Her shoulders; but surprisingly, I did not notice Her beauty at that time.

But the real happening was inside of me. How to explain this? It was like somebody throwing a lighted match in gun-powder. You know that

something extraordinary is going to happen, although it does not happen at the very moment. In that moment, I felt something strange which I could not define. But, indeed, a few hours later after I had gone to my hotel the explosion occurred; a feeling of unearthly joy and happiness, I have found the Guru I was looking for. There was no shadow of doubt about in my mind. What gave me this conviction?

People will call it “Love”. But the English word is misleading for this wonderful relationship between Guru and disciple. The Guru is not only dearer than a mother, a father or a friend. All the shades of love and veneration are contained in this relationship.

Any worldly love however pure and sublimated it may be ever ends in disillusion and sorrow. But the love of Guru purifies the mind and liberates it from worldly attachment. It is like a flawless mirror which reflects our own higher Self, and leads to the discovery of the eternal source of peace and happiness which is inside ourselves.

It is through this love that one can renounce all of a sudden the comforts of a luxurious life and devote oneself entirely to the search of the supreme.

It is through this love that one gets the strength to conquer Kama ,Krodha and Lobha (Lust, anger, and greed). This is Guru-Kripa.

To sit at Ma’s holy feet was not only a source of peace and bliss, it was also a most powerful sadhana. Her very presence purified the mind, loosening age-long fetters. Without telling a word she could open the way of the nadis, granting one in a few minutes what would have taken many years of hard strenuous Sadhana.

My relation with Ma was that with a Guru. But she was much more than this. She was doubtlessly a Divine Being. Sri Ma had told us that she had not come on earth as a result of some Prarabdha Karma and that she had no previous birth. Was she an Avatar? Or a perfect sage who had come down to help humanity? Much has been written or speculated about it. What is certain is that the lady we called Sri Ma Anandamayee was a vehicle for an immense power of infinite Love. Once, as I had complained to Her that She had built a boundary around Her against foreigners, She told: “There is no question of any boundary ; I and you are one; this (showing Her body) is only an appearance. I am all-pervading.” She had only an elementary schooling, and had read no scripture but Her wisdom baffled the greatest of pundits. In a few words, she could resolve the most intricate philosophical problems and one was left wondering how simple it was.

There was no path of Sadhana which was unknown to Her and She

would advise everyone on the path which was best suitable to him. What struck me specially was Her extraordinary skill in opening and closing (when needed) the Nadis of Sadhakas without any effort, just playfully.

I traveled with Ma at first 19 months without a break (except one day) for, after having found such a miraculous being, how could I leave Her! Traveling with Ma was not just traveling; it was a unique experience. One was moving in a world of miracles. By “miracle” I do not mean something which strikes imagination as a disruption of natural laws (although this too happened sometimes) but the fulfillment of a wish or a desire at the very moment one has desired it, and just the way one would have liked it. We knew that whatever might happen, “Ma will arrange”, that we were under the protection of a great being for whom the word “impossible” does not exist. Of course, this was not only while traveling, but wherever Ma was and for all those who had some connection with Her. And it happened in such a simple, spontaneous way that at the moment, one was hardly aware of it.

For example, it is well known among Ma’s devotees that whenever She distributed fruits or sweets, there was ever enough for all those present, whatever might have been the number of fruits and the number of persons. In this connection one instance comes to my mind when I was personally involved: It happened at Ma’s Ashram at Brindavan. One day, it might have been late in the evening, may be 10 p.m. I went to Ma’s room to tell Her that I would like to leave the next day for Almora and secure Her permission and her blessings. In the ground floor of Ma’s building there are two rooms; one first room fairly big which serves as a reception room, and another on the back for Ma’s private residence. When I came, Ma was sitting in the front room, near the door of the second room. The room was filled to capacity by many people standing close to one another. It was not possible to enter the room or to cross the dense crowd. So I stood outside together with other people.

Ma was distributing oranges and it was why the crowd had assembled, everyone being eager to get prasad from Ma’s own hands.

There was a basket of big oranges (perhaps the Nagpur type) before Ma. But whatever big the basket might have been, it could not be enough for so many people. I decided not to take an orange for myself. Anyhow, I had not come for this but for having a talk with Ma before starting for Almora and Daulichina. To be certain that she would not notice me, I hid myself behind the people; and as I knew She could feel my bhava, I made my mind completely blank.

After sometime the distribution was over and, surprisingly, everyone got his orange. Then Ma asked “Sabko mila?” (did everybody get?). All over the assembly one could hear satisfied “Yes,Yes,Yes.” I kept quiet and hid myself much more behind the people. Then I heard Ma’s voice telling:”Ek ko nahi mila. (One did not get). As soon as She had uttered these words, the dense crowd splitted itself in two as if by magic leaving open a way straight towards Ma, and I was sucked inside this way—almost against my will—until I came to Her, I made pranam, and She gave me a big orange with Her wonderful happy smile.

But the most striking miraculous power displayed almost daily by Ma was Her astonishing skill to attract people through Her love, and transform unbelievers into religious people and sinners into religious men. Her power of attraction was indeed legendary. She would at once find the dominant effective feature of the individual and appear to him in the aspect which was the dearest to him. To some, she was the mother; to others a daughter or a close friend, some again would see Her as Ishta, Krishna, Durga, Shiva, etc. or their Guru. But to the great majority of people she was “our Ma” the all powerful loving mother ever ready to help and protect Her children whatever race or creed they may belong to.

I remember a Peruvian’ boy who had come for the first time to Ma. He

did not know any English but could converse in French, and I was the only person in the Ashram to whom he could talk directly. On one occasion we were both sitting in satsang in the presence of Ma, fairly apart from each other. At one moment, he was stunned by what he had seen that he got up in the midst of the satsang and came the place where I was sitting. His face had an expression of utter amazement when he told me :“Oh. She looks just like my mother.”

Sometimes, on special occasions like during Kali-Puja and Janmashtami, etc., Her features, Her behaviour, Her bhava would be so transformed as if She had become the embodiment of the deity worshipped. I had myself the good fortune of witnessing such transformation. It was Janmasthamis (the birthday of Krishna) night and the Kanyapeeth girls² had dressed Sri Ma like Krishna. She was in a small room in the upper storey of the Kanyapeeth building and we were allowed to go up and have Her Darshan (usually males are not allowed in this building). I went rather reluctantly feeling rather annoyed that Ma had been dressed in what, I thought, was a disguise. But when I entered the room, I stood in awe, before bending to make pranam. There was no question of disguise. Her features had a majestic luminous beauty almost masculine. Her attitude, Her way of sitting conjures those of royal sage receiving us with his benign smile. She was really identified with Krishna.

When the Lord has come on earth to play with us the wonderful play of love, which leads to liberation from worldly bondage, how can one forgo even for a short time his divine presence. But Ma did not encourage sole attachment for Her physical form. It was a stepping stone for discovering the all-pervading Ma and finally the Divine which is seated in our own heart, and which is our real Eternal Being. Ma used to say :“From moha (attachment) to this Body(Ma), all other moha will vanish” And also “To know Bhagwan is to know one’s Real Self and to know one’s Real Self is to know Bhagwan.”

With Vijayananda (as She had called me) She did indeed try to wean him away. She had a hard time but finally succeeded And this happened in 1954. In the month of May, Ma’s birthday celebrations were to be held at Almora Ashram. I was in the Varanasi Ashram in the month of April, and came to Almora—after having received Sree Ma’s permission— shortly before the celebrations. I had indeed tried to free myself from the strong attachment I was feeling for Sree Ma’s presence in its physical aspect, and thought that I had succeeded. But then, it came again more intensely than before. After reaching Almora I asked for a private interview, and told Her frankly about this. She smiled and told me :“You stay three years at Almora. I was taken aback and blurted out ”Ma. This is impossible.” Then, one year only” was Her reply. How it could come out I do not know, but I agreed and had bound myself to a dreadful promise, to stay one full year without Ma’s physical darshan.

Sri Ma did not leave Almora immediately after the celebrations but remained until the end of June. I was certain that knowing my state of mind she could not leave me at Almora and would tell me at the last moment to accompany Her. The dreadful moment of Her departure finally came. I was standing near Her car watching Her but the words I expected did not come. The car started its way down to the plains and my gaze followed it as long as it was possible.

“Perhaps. I thought, She would send somebody to call me.” But nobody came. Of course, I could have followed Ma to the plain, and she would have laughed it away as She had done on previous occasions. But I had given my word. And also I understood it would be beneficial for me to stay in seclusion.

I)uring the celebrations, as the Ashram was overcrowded I had been accommodated in the small kutia down adjacent to the Patal l)evi Mandir. After Ma’s departure, I had to shift in one of the Ashram rooms, and was taking my belongings up the small path leading to the Ashram. My mind was in a very gloomy mood bordering despair. “Ma has gone and so many days are going to pass without Her Darshan. The bracing climate, the majestic beauty of the mountain peaks, what is it without Ma,”Thus was 1 thinking while looking sadly towards Kasar Devi a height above Almora.

All of a sudden, something extraordinary happened. How can I describe a vision which is not seen with the eyes? Ma was before me, Her subtle body permeating the space. It was a form almost melting in the formless, Her long black hair flowing along the mountain ridges and Her wonderful smile filling my heart with inexpressible peace and joy. She was outside, but also inside of me. “Why do you lament, fool,” She was telling me without words, ~‘I am ever with you, very near to you.”

Two years before a similar experience had happened in similar conditions at Rajpur, near Dehra - Dun, but that time, there was no form. Only a divine Presence pervading everything—including myself—with solemn peace and happiness. It was like a taste of eternity. But, although I did not see any form, there was no doubt in my mind that it was Ma who had come in that aspect. But the vision was soon forgotten, and the intense yearning for Ma’s physical presence came up again. This time, I had failed the test. But later on, I was able to stay lengthy periods without Sree Ma’s physical presence. Her divine Body was not there, but Her Love was ever with me.

Ma had told once: “Whoever has loved even once this Body (Herself) will never be able to erase it from his mind, whatever hard he may try.” Almost six years have elapsed since She has withdrawn “this Body”, who was so dear to us, from our sight. But Her love is ever present. Tears come in our eyes when we think of Her. These are not the bitter tears of sorrow, but tears of love, which keep alive the eternal link we have with Sree Sree Ma Anandamayee.