RECOLLECTIONS
OF KIRPAL KAUR 1950-1969
These notes are
being published on the site gradually.
They are not being edited and the freshness and originality gives a flavour of what
it was like living in Sri Ma’s physical presence. The author has been an
ashramite all this time and is now at Sri Ma’s ashram in Bhopal, M.P.
Shree Ma was walking along the Musoorie Road. Bhaiji was accompanying Ma.
Shree Ma sat down near Landour bazaar.
Ma saw the small school children playing with a lot of hue and cry, as
if it was their own property. The sun’s
rays had made the place hot.
Just then the school gong rang and immediately they ran to their classrooms. Like a dream the noisy atmosphere dissolved
into a silent, deserted place. Shree
Ma: “This is wonderful. Just imagine if on hearing the bell, the
boys thought “It is time for prayers, and leaving aside play, quickly assemble
in their rooms for prayers to God.”
On hearing Shree Ma’s prophetic words a pure desire arose in Bhaiji’s
mind to build an Ashram. When Ma learnt
of this she said to Bhaiji, “There are so many ashrams, what is the need for
making a new ashram?”
Shree Bhaiji said, “Ma, this ashram will not be like other ashrams. This will not be for training future saints – this ashram will be to serve people. We will get some boys 8 – 12 years old and we will help them to tread the path of religion, and as they grow up if they wish to become sadhus and renounce the world and even if they wish to enter the marital path, where is the harm. For in their early years they get the impression of a religious training, and then even if they lead a householder’s life, they will be much better than ordinary householders. We will not be the dictators of their lives, we will only teach them knowledge and also how to serve others. That will be of help in their lives.” With this ideal in mind, Bhaiji initiated the Kishenpur Ashram.
Question: “What does God eat?”
Shree Ma’s answer: “God eats your pride. Just as a cow licks the dirt after making it
edible and clean, in the same manner God eats the pride of one.”
Question: “When does God laugh?”
Answer: “When one is in the womb, there is a connection with God. You are definitely not alone. When you have met Mother you should remain
free from all doubts and anxieties. You
are definitely not alone. Mother is
always with you. Why do you think your
life is in vain. Mother Herself will
see to it. You can come to Mother
whenever you like.
Mother is
always with you.
Never to
tell an untruth.
Not to get
angry.”
“Everything here is God’s temple and
everyone is God’s worshipper. I am the worshipper
of the worshippers. You should remember
that.
“Within you and me, where is
unhappiness. “As one’s parents say ‘One must be thinking of one’s husband
only. To think of another is a
sin.’ To think of God only and no
other. The remembrance of God, God and
the devotee are one only. One should
not act like a shopkeeper. When you
practice the name of God, you should not think, I have done so much, and have
not received anything. One should hope,
that is good, but not behave like a shopkeeper. To keep thinking of earning money and being absorbed in that,
that is dirt. – If you have a mind full of earning money then give
donations. Use your money in good ways;
that is a meritorious action.
“One should have a balanced
mind. For this you should learn yoga.”
Once Shree Ma had told someone, “You
should keep sugar candy in your mouth all the time.” After a year he met Shree Ma.
He had a small container with sugar cubes. Shree Ma said, “I had told you to keep the sugar cubes of God’s
name in your mouth. Now practice that.
“When one belongs to a similar
religious sect, there is a deep affection.
Seeing the others progress, one feels very happy.”
Question: “Will God come if one calls out to Him?”
Shree Ma: “This (Ma) is your small daughter. If one calls out to one’s small daughter, she will come. Similarly if one calls out to God with
intense desire, God will appear. Then
call out to God with deep intensity and God will appear.”
In the hall Padmaji says, “Ma give
us your Upadesh”. Shree Ma smiles, then
Shree Ma Herself leads “Satyam Gyanam Anandam Brahma” followed by “Om namo
Bhagawatey Vasudevay”. Then one of the
girls sings a hymn to Saraswati, Goddess of Learning. Shree Ma looks intensively up and down at the students lined up
on one side; the first batch of white clad Brahmacharis – eight in number – and
the yellow clad younger girls – “Jay Ma kirtan”. Padmaji again begs Sree Ma’s blessings. Shree Ma, “Purab Shakar Uttar Nishkam” thrice and says to
Padmaji, take it that I have said it.”
Padmaji, “At the Blessed Feet of Mother we open the Sanskrit Tol for
Sanskrit, Hindi and English. Sanskrit
not only because it is the language of poetry but because if contains all the
Vedas, Shastras and Puranas. Sanskrit,
because that study alone gives shakti and udharan. Sanskrit because it teaches no special forms. Each to come to self realisation through
that particular form that best suits him.
Each through his own chosen and beloved
path. Sanskrit because it
teaches to love all. As one self, all
neighbours, friends, all forms His forms.
All have the Brahma in oneself which is in all. Sanskrit because it teaches a steadiness of
character that will not fail or flounder in life’s by-paths. Sanskrit because
the Pandits in Kashmir and the Pandits in Dakshin will talk and speak the same
language, the same metaphors and the same similes. Sanskrit because Ma has Herself blessed it. Sanskrit not to pass examination of the
university but for knowledge of that exam that is passed every single minute in
the conduct of our life.” Beginning of
a class on the Gita, chapter two, in Shree Ma’s presence. Padmaji recites and
the children follow. Blanca too joins
in the class on Ma’s instructions. Not
only to study oneself, but also to teach others afterwards, obedience to
Dharma. The tiniest, smallest, youngest
student is Guneeta aged four years
Ma goes to Miss Pathak’s (Proctor)
room. College girls assemble.
Girls: “What shall we do to attain spirituality, the higher life?”
Ma:
“So you think it is a higher life, then very emphatically - seva
(service). By service the inner self is
purified. To serve God in all forms.”
Girls: “What about our own work?”
Ma:
“All work should be done in the form of seva (service). Service of God and His creation.”
Girls: “Why is it that at the time of meditation all one’s worldly
thoughts crowd in?”
Ma:
“Just as when cleaning a room, you collect all the dirt in a big
heap. But you must pray to God not to
let your mind concentrate on the dirt.
Just as you see your own face in the mirror, so also you see yourself. Pray to God to remove your blemishes – weep
for Him. Practice the name of God.”
Girls: “In what form will he appear.”
Ma:
“In whatever form you desire him, He will appear. Just as a mother scolds a child when it is
naughty and is pleased when he is good, so also God scolds and is pleased. Lastly look you are my friends ‘dost’. You must devote at least five minutes a day
to me, to your special preference in whatever form you like.”
A gentleman came, his elder son F.A. had died in a horse accident. He had crashed against a wall. His result of passing in the first division
came a few days after his death. He had
got high blood pressure.
Ma: “This is the way of the
world. No one is one’s own. Nalini Brahm’s son 16-17 years old – a motor
but accident and he dies immediately.
There is no peace without the remembrance of God. That is definite. Turn your mind towards God.
There is no guarantee of what will happen the next moment.”
Ma to Hari Ram: “Husband or wife
should read the Bhagwat (Srimad Bhagwat) daily and regularly. When it is finished, then commence reading
it again - five or six times. This
should be a regular practice like your daily morning and evening prayers. There are no restrictions. Sometimes the husband reads and sometimes
the wife but on no account should there be any omission. Before your morning meals 2 – 4 slokas
should be read. Then come again
sometime.”
Shree Ma: “As one strives continuously on the path to God realisation one
achieves. One must remain ever immersed
in Godly pursuits - the God who resides in everyone. What is the effect of remembering, concentrating on God? The senses that are outwardly drawn become
inwardly concentrated and by becoming so one gets connected to God.
“As one makes efforts to clean a
vessel and by continuous efforts it is revealed as gold or silver. That is the reason one must strive, for you
have the inherent power to achieve.
“God’s blessings are being
continuously showered. But if you put
the vessel upside down the nectar will be spilled.
“God’s blessings are flowing like
the rain from the clouds – God’s Blessings are ever there for those who desire
God’s blessings.
“The mind and the one who follows
his mind – there exists the states of happiness and sorrow for him who relies
on his mind. Achievement and
non-achievement are a state of the mind, but one who has risen beyond the mind
state, who is the one to believe. Happiness
and sorrow, achievement and failure exist in the worldly state. But one who has risen beyond duality is God
Himself.
“When will one reach the state
beyond the mind? Until the knots
(granthies) are not dissolved, the state of sublime samadhi, equality in all
matters is not achieved until the knots of the mind are dissolved.
“The one Janardan, the Atma Ram, God
Himself is residing within you.
“When your body is covered with
dirt, you use soap, don’t you? With the
soap the dirt is removed. By practising
the holy rites divine knowledge is achieved.
By those rites, the dirt that is accumulated within is cleansed by the
Gyan Ganga; the River of Divine knowledge.
By the practices of those rites
which remove all karma (worldly desires), pure and truthful activities, godly
deeds, by these one is purified.
Satsang, the association with holy saints, to listen to the recitation
of the holy scriptures, japa - the practice of the repetition of the holy names
of God. By sat karam (holy deeds)
“Bhagwat Karam (religious activities) one is purified. By Dhyan: the concentration of the
mind. By whatever path the Guru
decrees, God is revealed by Holy actions, that is God’s nature.
“If a thorn is embedded in the body,
it is removed by a thorn.
“Where there is the existence of
duality there is sorrow, darkness.
“In order to realise one’s own self,
to achieve one’s own identity, “Who am I?”, the association of the holy saints
is itself the path to realise one’s true self.
‘Oh Divine God open the path of divine knowledge.’ The One who is within oneself, who is one’s
own; where there is no other. The Ocean
of Bliss. The realisation of Oneself. The Divine Path is the only path – all
others are Vipath (sorrow). The divine
path alone is one’s own path. If one
takes the wrong path one will suffer.
The path that leads to enlightenment, that alone is the real path; the
path that removes sorrow and reveals one’s true self – that is the real path
and in that path all sorrow is destroyed.
The remembrance of whom destroys all sorrow – By recitation of the holy
name, the mind attains peace! At all
times the name of God must be kept in mind.
The remembrance of God is one’s Raksha Bandhan – protection.
“In the fertile soil of one’s heart,
by sowing the seed of God’s name, God is revealed and the revelation of God
destroys all want. Why have you kept
the soil of your heart barren?
“Get engrossed in the repetition of
the name of God (japa) and concentration and the Lord’s form (dhyan).
After college devote your time to
prayer. Try to be pure. Never use harsh language. Just remember ‘The Lord is holding me, I
will not fall.’ Let your mind dwell on
such reasoning.
Shree Ma: “The Lord and the servant.
The sweeper cleans the outside area; the servant washes and cleans, the
vessels, but the pollution, of the mind can be cleansed by God alone and no one
else.”
Shree Ma to Kunwarani Bhadri’s
mother: “A mother gives birth to a
child and the mother herself serves the child and no other. Similarly God alone can cleanse and no one
else. One’s service to oneself.”
Dr. Pannadal questioned about the
general trend of scolding sturdy beggars.
Shree Ma then related the story of the sweeper woman and the lovely
queen. “There was once a sweeper woman
and a beautiful queen. The sweeper
woman decided one day to sit down, at one side in a fixed posture (asan) with
single minded concentration. People
gradually started flocking and offering money, fruits and garlands, but she did
not look up nor took the slightest notice.
Now all this reached the queen’s ears and she said to the king: “Look the Ganga (holy river) is at our door
i.e. ‘this great saint’.” So the king
and queen went and laid their offerings.
But still the sweeper woman did not look up. Then through the corner of her eyes she managed to see the king
and queen and then came the realisation that worldly matters are false and took
to true sannyas (renunciation).”
Dr. Pannadal: “What is the easiest path to realisation.”
Shree Ma: “Anupaya (i.e. not through any means).”
Dr. Pannadal: “But first one has to strive.” Ma smiled.
Dr. Pannadal: “Does God create evil?”
Shree Ma: “Everything is His creation.
Just look, there is a senior officer and he drinks and gets intoxicated,
seeing his miserable state, the others decide: “Oh let me not be like him”.
Present Dr. Pannadal, Rani of
Bhadri, Rajmata of Vizaynagram etc.,
the
conversation turned to Swami Santananda, who had once been Ma’s driver and how
much respect Ma gave him when he became the head of a sect.
Ma then related a story she had
heard as a child before her marriage, from one of Her mother’s lady
friends. “Once there were two friends,
a king’s son and the minister’s son.
The two friends decided to visit another place. As they reached the new town they saw four
brass vessels.
“Inside the first vessel was a note,
“As the occasion arises, behave in that manner.” Shree Ma said “When it rains and then the sun shines, steps taken
are different.
“In the second vessel: “If a junior person rises to a state of authority
he must be respected accordingly.”
“In the third vessel: “One must not divulge the secrets of highly placed
and wealthy, nor must you slight the poor and weak.”
“In the fourth vessel: “One must not refuse to partake of a meal of
bread (ann) etc. that is placed before one.”
“The Prince bought the four vessels and decided to follow the advice.
The prince ‘Rajkumar’ and the minister’s son, decided to go for a bath. They encamped on the bank of the Ganges. Now at that very time, a king had died and
the people were looking for his successor who would possess certain signs. As the minister’s son went for a dip in the
river, the people spotted him and recognising the signs took him and placed him
on the throne.
“The prince looked around and waited for his friend and when he learnt
of what had happened he recalled the first saying and went to the king’s
court By now he had grown a beard and
long hair and was somewhat unrecognisable.
His erstwhile friend too made no effort to recognise him. The prince saluted his friend, the king and
asked for a job. Now the king said
“There is no job but you take the work of being the first to be present in the
court every morning.” The prince
accepted the job remembering the first message “To adapt oneself according to
the occasion.” Then “If a person rises
from a lower state to a higher position, he must be respected
accordingly.” These two guidelines had
been fulfilled. Now he became the first
to arrive every morning and became very popular for his devotion to his job,
his gentle behaviour and graceful demeanour.
The king too reposed great confidence in him.
“One day the king gave him the key to the queen’s apartments. When he went there he found that matters
were suspicious but he remembered the saying that the personal matters of the
nobility should not be publicised. Now
the queen suddenly took very ill, and the deity they worshipped said that if
the queen bathed in the blood of the person who was the first to arrive, she
would recover. Now the entire court was
very worried. They all loved the
disguised prince and did not want him killed.
Just as the prince was hurrying to his usual appointment Shivaji
disguised as a Brahmin jumped down from a tree and placed some rice on a leaf
on his path. The prince in his hurry
did not notice it, at first. But then
he remembered the fourth note and thought let me see what happens now. So he retraced his footsteps and hurriedly gobbled
down the rice. He was afraid of missing
his daily appointment of being the first entrant. Just at that particular time a dog passed through the gate, and
the queen bathed in his blood and recovered.
“Now the prince who was extremely worried over the delay, found everyone
full of joy and embracing him, for they were so happy at his being saved,
decided it was time to reveal his identity and asked for an audience with the
king. He went to the king’s court and
related the entire story and said, “I am that prince.” The king then stepped down and embraced his
friend and placed him on the throne.
The prince became the king and the minister’s son the Prime Minister.”
Sri Ma: “To realise ‘That’ alone – ‘That’ meaning whether you are
calling him Krishna, Ram. Siva. That is the highest stage – where there exists
no danger, no sorrow. That is the highest state of all wealth – to achieve the
Highest state. The support and protection one receives to reach that state one
needs no other support. That itself is
the support.
“God is bound by His devotees.
“In order to open the path to Eternal Bliss everything should be
according to the spiritual dictates of one’s own faith. You must prepare a regular schedule for your
daily prayer be it Nimaz, be it Pooja. By hearing the divine scriptures the path to immortality will be
revealed. One must not listen to what
has no substance and evaporates. One
must act according to the dictates of the Holy Scriptures.
“In Brindaban one prays with one’s face turned northwards and not
westwards.
“Your desires in this world will entrap you. When you have a desire for anything then you are bound by that
and till that connection remains even on explaining the holy scriptures you
will not be able to understand. You
have to proceed beyond all explanations, only then you have overcome the
problem. But you have to proceed beyond
all duality. You must attain to the
Absolute.”
Shree Ma related the following:
Once at Vindhyachal, Abhay, Dr.
Pannadal (I.C.S.) and others had been talking all day about supernatural
experiences and at night they went to meditate on the raised platform outside.
They thought Ma had forgotten. But Ma
came and soon they all saw a bright
light which lit up all their faces in the dark and Ma saw an old sadhu
practising austerities (tapas) under the tree and various others at different
places nearby. On the 29th
September Ma saw that none of the present buildings were there instead she saw
someone offering garlands and another offering malas (like a rudraksha mala
made with big polished beads that were broken) Ma asked “Why are you offering this broken mala?” In the corner there was a niche and the devi
offering the mala looked at Ma questioningly and then returned to her
niche. On one side was a long veranda
and a sevika (devotee) was lying – Lakhi – your Lakshmi (Lakshmiji of Dehra
Dun).
When Shree Ma went to a temple
(mandir), a Krishna mandir or a Ram mandir a strong light would emanate from
the deity (vigraha) towards Ma and Ma’s body would become one with all creation
(agyan) – the trees, the flowers and walls.
Once, Makhan Babu took Ma to
Jagannath to see the deities (vigraha). As Ma approached Her breathing became
faint and Her steps slowed down. Mahan
Babu said “Chalo Ma” (Come on Ma), What
Ma saw was that the three deities (murtis) – Balram, Subhadra, Jagannath had
taken one form and around the neck were three beautiful garlands (so very
beautiful, not such as you make here), one below the other and one huge garland
around al three garlands touching the feet of the deity and out of a crack came
a strong powerful light.
Questioner: “What benefit did Makhan Babu get?”
Shree Ma: “Though Makhan was unable to receive the vision, he was a
recipient of the divine atmosphere.
“There is no need to worry about the
world – keep your thinking on yourself.
One had a desire to come into the world, therefore one is born. Your desires (vasna kamna) have necessitated
your birth.
Questioner: “Is that the reason for everyone being
born. To satisfy his vasna kamna?”
Shree Ma: “Leave the world to itself.
As long as one is driven by one’s vasana kamna, one’s duty is to keep
one’s thinking on one’s God. To live
only for the realisation of God. As
long as one lives one should keep trying to realise God. Wherever one is, in whatever condition try
to realise God and whatever is necessary will be provided of its own
accord. What to relinquish and what to
get attached to, leave that aside. Just
try to realise God and what one is to be attached to or what is to be
relinquished will occur of itself.
Questioner: “Please thank Mother very much from me. How does one thank Her?”
Shree Ma: “The thanks is only to Oneself.”
Questioner: “Why to oneself?”
Shree Ma: “Because everyone is ones own – the thanks also to oneself.”
For that revelation of the formless
and nameless; one must travel. One’s
revelation is within each one. This is
the path.
Shree Ma: “A holy place: that which is subject to destruction that is not
static. God in the form of movement and
also in the indestructible form. Where
everything exists. Everything can be
said, the divine state and the state of movement and the state that cannot be
changed. And there the One is.”
“The wealth that makes one rich and
one can never be poor and there is no coming or going. The knowledge that you are in the eternal
form, that will be revealed -that is called the practices that will reveal
God, that one must practice.”
Questioner: “Sometimes one feels like giving one’s
rosary to God.”
Shree Ma: “Very well said. As long
as the rosary is with God that much time one will be thinking of one’s legal
practice. That is the truth. Where one is stationed, one throws away the
rosary and concentrates on the legal files.
One must sacrifice oneself; God’s rosary is offered to God. For this reason one’s rosary must be offered
to God.”
Questioner: “How does one become a disciple?”
Shree Ma: “The desire arises from the blessings of one’s master
(guru). The one who comes in the form
of the master and the disciple cannot but accept that form. He does not have that strength. In the worldly state it is self
revealed. Wherever in the world the
master is, the master will appear at that very place. From that very place the master will be revealed. This is not self realisation. The master is revealed in this form.
“Various scriptures declare that God
does not exist. This body (Shree Ma)
will say that the revelation is in this manner and the form is not
revealed. When one has a deep faith,
the master will give what has to be given.
It will be given definitely.”
Ma was talking to the people present
Sri Gopi Baba and Prabhadi, when someone came from Benares and told Ma, “The
Jhulan and Janamastmi was celebrated very nicely but Gopal (the deity) got
hurt.”
Shree Ma had earlier told Didi that
she had a pain in Her chest. Ma could
see Gopal looking at Her, like a child and twisting his hand. Ma said to Didi, He has been hurt. Then Shree Ma said it was the regulation
that Gopal was taken off his throne only on Janmashtami and Dol. But this time he had been taken off his
throne and then put in the swing and in putting Him down with a thump he had
been hurt. Ma said: “He kept looking at me fixedly and twisting
his hand.” And the pain in Shree Ma’s
chest was there.
Then Ma talked about the child and
his shadow. He saw his reflection in a
mirror in Ma’s room and was disturbed the whole night because the other had
slept with Ma. On waking up he went to
Ma and on understanding that that one was he himself, all his grief was removed
and he was happy.
When there is duality there is
sorrow. The removal of duality is the
highest Vedanta.
In reply to Mrs. Talyarkhan who had
said she had a great desire to meet Ma:.
Shree Ma: “There are two options.
Either you come or invite Ma.
You have neither come nor invited Ma.”
To one who wanted to change her name
to Nirmala, Shree Ma said call her Nirmaliya , and on enquiry added – Nirmaliya
means that which is offered to God – flowers, bel leaves, offerings to God.
Sri Gopinathji in Shree Ma’s
presence: “The dirty soul has to be
cleaned. For that God gives sorrow and
pain and God Himself protects one. He
Himself is the embodiment of unlimited knowledge, power and happiness. He Himself is the Supreme Grace.
Shree Ma: “By pushing the Divine Ma gives a lesson.”
Sri Gopinathji: “Sorrow and hurt are there – but deep inside
there is a deep joy. The longing
(virah) of the saints, but in that there resides a deep happiness. Whatever God does is for the best. Gradually evolution and revolution. Sincerity is the main strength. Japa etc. done with insincerity is not of
much use. Not quantity but quality.”
On 16th December Shree Ma
received Raja Ram’s telegram that Sri Hari Baba was ill. Shortly thereafter Shree Ma went to Vindyachal
by road. Immediately on reaching the
ashram, She (Ma) found a letter waiting, saying that Sri Ari Baba was seriously
ill and that he was firmly convinced that his illness was due to his having
disregarded Mother’s request for him to stay for the Samyam Saptah in Delhi and
his leaving for Hoshiarpur when he was taken seriously ill.
Within fifteen minutes of Her
arrival Ma took the same car to the Vindhyachal station taking with Her only
Gopaludi, Swamiji (Swami Parmananda) and Kirpal and boarded a passenger train
to Allahabad. At Allahabad Swamiji
telephoned Renu’s house, who rushed puris and aloo bhaja for Shree Ma and
party. Ma then took the upper India
train and arrived at Delhi. Shree Ma
took a taxi and the party arrived at 48 Hanuman Road to the immense delight of
Didi (Gurupriya Devi) and the inmates there.
Lunch was quickly prepared.
Trunk calls were made to ascertain Sri Hari Baba’s whereabouts. The evening call to Chandigarh proved Shree
Ma’s powers, for Hari Baba had been taken to Amritsar for a check up. Shree Ma and party boarded the Frontier Mail
and reached Jullunder 17th morning.
It was very cold and foggy. Then a station wagon to the Savitri Devi
ashram – to the infinite delight of the doctor and his family. Immediately Shree Ma sent him for a taxi for
Amritsar. After a quick breakfast Shree
Ma again set out walking. It was a
Sunday and a number girls had come for the bhajan. Shree Ma got up and asked about the car and set out on to the
main road to Amritsar surrounded by the girls doing kirtan. In the cold morning, on the yet deserted
Grand Trunk Road, a crowd of about fifty were walking along singing and happy
to be with Ma. After about half a mile
of walking towards Amritsar, Shree Ma was saying: “It’s getting late, hurry up, we must make haste.” The car arrived. All the while Shree Ma was enquiring about Baba’s health in
minute detail and coaching Swamiji and Narain Das, ‘Now you must convince Baba
that we must take Him to Delhi. That
this doctor is the best Asian specialist with no mortality in these operations
– and this wonderful nursing home which cost 20 lakhs and say you have come to
take him etc.’
On reaching Amritsar Shree Ma
refused to let Baba be pre-warned of Her arrival and then Shree Ma went to see Her
great bhakt. In a dingy, dismal
hospital, surrounded by crowds of his devotees, convincing Baba of the
necessity of an immediate operation, Baba gently but nonetheless firmly
refusing to have the operation.
Then the visitors left and Shree Ma
Herself gently convinced Baba of the necessity of going to Delhi. Someone suggested that a flight would only
take half an hour. Swamiji was sent to
get as many tickets as possible.
The rest house had been completely reserved
by the Chief Engineer, Chandigarh for Shree Ma and party. Shree Ma then only went for a brief
rest. Within an hour Shree Ma, Hari
Baba and attendants reached the airport Rajasansi. There was a trunk call from Verma informing flying control all OK. Shree Ma, Sri Hari Baba and Swamiji and a
couple of attendants. Shree Ma had been
reluctant to fly but Baba had agreed to fly.
Shree Ma with just that bite of breakfast took off.
Trunk calls to Delhi to Didi to get
her room for Baba ready. Shree Ma came
and sent for the very best doctors, and herself spent the night in Birla Mandir
– no bedding had been taken,
The previous morning, Raja Ram, Sri
Hari Baba’s devoted disciple was desperate.
The doctors were callous, the nurses indifferent. Instead of a check up the doctors were
insisting on an immediate operation.
Baba was averse to the entire atmosphere and his bhagats absolutely
helpless and sick at heart. It was at
that time Shree Ma was on the road to Amritsar, walking and hurrying
along. One of the party said, “Ma must
be landing at Delhi now.” Ma confirmed
that “Yes at 5.45pm the car stopped and you thought of my arrival at Delhi.”
At Birla Mandir (Delhi) Ma twice
asked about the time. Shree Ma, “Tell
Susanta, Ma wants him urgently.” The by
now famous Dr. S.K. Sen, son of Ma’s Delhi host and great devotee (bhagat)
gently and humbly convinced Baba and himself made all arrangements to take Baba
at 8pm. Shree Ma was arranging every
minute detail. She took Baba to hospital. He was placed in the finest nursing home in
the capital and under the personal care of the famous specialist. The doctor took Ma humbly to his room and
showed Ma the details of his nursing home.
He was so happy to see Ma there and to be of service to Her.
After seeing Baba safely in the
nursing home, Ma sent for Gopaludi – a poor, simple lady who had recently come
to the ashram, she was alone, childless and a widow. She had had an operation and was still suffering from the
doctor’s negligence. Ma gently
explained to her not to get nervous and not to lose heart. Yes she could die of a stroke but this pain
and fever would continue and increase till it became unbearable. “One can die in a thrice, but so much
suffering. I leave it to you,” Ma said,
“But you will only suffer greatly by not being operated immediately. It won’t hurt much. All care will be taken. It is indeed your good fortune that you have
come to such a good doctor or you would suffer unspeakably.” Gently but firmly with this timid bhagat
Shree Ma convinced her of the necessity of an operation. Not forcing her, gently leaving it to her to
decide.
“But I came to serve you,” she
said. “Never mind that now,” Ma said,
“But get rid of this trouble.”
Geeta Path was being chanted
outside. Ma sat there for a while. By 11am Shree Ma was ready to go to the
nursing home with apples and oranges to see Hari Baba. In the evening Ma left at 4pm and returned
at 8pm. The whole day the conversation
revolved around Baba. “First I had gone
to the hospital with Mukti Baba and now with Hari Baba.” Shree Ma spoke of the excellent arrangements
at the hospital - electric bells, neatness and cleanliness of the hospital and
the nationally famous Dr. Sen.
Pandit Sunderlal and Gulab Singh and
a large number of poor village women kept turning up all day, asking about Baba
and talking about mud plaster and kalmishora.
Ma listened with interest to their suggestions and asked what kalmishora
was and gently explained that a number of plasters had been tried but all to no
effect. They left lighter at heart as
Ma gently consoled them.
Dr. Balaram came and discussed with
Ma the medical aspect, expressing a deep knowledge of the medical
treatments. Shree Ma told him of
someone in Almora, who had a severe pain in one leg and how he went to Calcutta
and was completely cured and now as fit as ever.
Dr. Balaram explained that diabetes
induced a slowing of blood circulation and it also caused certain pinkness in
the cheeks and glow to the face. Shree
Ma: “Is that so? Hari Katha and now it’s all Rogi Katha.
When Poltu arrived in the room, Ma
explained to him in detail of Hari Baba’s association and his deep reverence
for Ma. Some of his bhagats had been
complaining that Ma had taken Baba to the hospital. “When he gets well, he will be very interested in seeing the
whole hospital and all the instruments.
He (Hari Baba) has been three years in a medical college.”
Didi had a private with Shree Ma which
continued till 12.40am after which Ma lay down.
Poltu to Ma: “You tell Susanta to persuade Baba by
telling him that this is the only cure (operation) and after that he will be
perfectly all right and spiritual than before.”
Shree Ma: “All right you arrange for me to see Susanta. When I go to the hospital I will tell him,”
Shree Ma to Baba’s devotees: “Ma has heard that in this disease if the
urine accumulates internally it could lead to insanity. Unless the very best
treatment is given, if the accumulated urine is kept for 72 hours, it is very
serious and painful. Now I leave it to
you to operate or not. You all give me
your decision; I have nothing more to say.”
As Sri Ma was leaving to visit Hari Baba with a basket of fruit and
flowers, an old woman with Tulsi beads worn with time said “Mataji won’t you
talk to me” in a very petulant voice. Gently, respectfully Sri Ma turned and
said “Narayan, Narayan “ and “Recite the name of God Narayan”.
As Ma was leaving, the Tehri Raja’s Land Rover arrived. The old woman
was still pestering. Ma said “Ma, keep your mind in God’s remembrance”.
In the car Ma asks about the Rani’s youngest daughter’s birthday. “Is
something special being done, Rani?”
She replied “Only a party with her school friends . At home the yothshi
(priest) does the graha puja.” Sri Ma
then said “Do they give her something,
Rani ?” “Yes they all bring presents-
usually clothes”.
Sri Ma was talking about Baba in
a very serious tone “How much suffering”.
Arriving at the hospital Sri Ma talked to the attendants of Baba and
then went upstairs. Ma asked “Kaisa hai?” (how are you?) and Hari Baba replied “Aise hai” (this is how it
is). Then Ma asked Swami Paramananda to
straighten the picture. A picture of Sri Gauranga had been placed over a
landscape picture originally there, and held by only a thin thread. When Swami
Paramananda was unable to straighten it, Ma had put it on the table with the
garland placed on it. Then the table was shifted so as to be straight in front
of Baba. There was a light just over his head and if he had sat up he might
have hit it. Sri Ma called his attendant and had the bed shifted away from this
light. All this was done gently and casually without the least bit of fuss. Then
she said to the assembled devotees “As long as you remain in the room practice
japa. At least try.”
Then Baba’s meal came, and she gently mentioned that the room should be
cleared. Just then the doctor was to arrive, and the food had to be put aside.
As the doctor did not come Ma asked if the food was cold. Then she said “the
Doctor is coming”, but as they continued seated she added “he is the doctor and
also owner of this hospital”.
The devotees again collected for Ma’s directions for the japa. Raja Ghazan Far Ali heard the Ma was at the
hospital and he came with hands folded.
In the car Ma said “I don’t
order them – do this…do that.. I ask them very gently, and when the work
is done they marvel at the wonderful suggestion.
Ma said “By the repetition of the name one comes to a stage where the
Guru’s shakti is revealed. Follow the
Guru’s teachings, that is the straight
path. If you practice the name of the Lord follow this path., with the company
of fellow travellers. Someone asked what the meaning of fellow travellers was.
Sri Ma replied “Satsang. The
association with holy saints. By the practice of the holy mantra one achieves
inner strength – by the constant repetition of the holy name. Remain engrossed
in the holy name at all times. Also sitting silently practice the name of God
at all times. Practice meditation, abbhyas - constant practice, satsang –
association with the holy, the name of God to be constantly in one’s mind, whether willingly or by force. Meditation twice
a day, then later increase the duration. As long as you are awake you must not
remain without God’s name. Whether you
practice willingly or by compulsion, you must not remain without the name of
God. This must be your goal. In order to realise oneself a constant effort has
to be made. Practice in this manner.”
As to the question for how long
Sri Ma said “As long as you do not realise God, until God is revealed.
By practising God’s name we will realise our faults and God will remove our
mistakes. Whatever path one follows in order to remove the veil – whether it is the practice of the
Holy name of God, or Advaita. By the constant practice of God’s name the ego
will be dissolved, and by following the path of Advaita the ego will be burnt.
That which has to be burnt will be burnt, and that which has to be dissolved
will be dissolved – that is an absolute fact. By practice of the association
with the holy and wise – satsang, there will occur enlightenment. Until the ego is dissolved this path has to be followed. God will be revealed
by His constant remembrance. Once the guru takes hold of your hand he will
never desert you. By giving you sorrow He is cleansing your sins. The sins
committed in so many births are being burnt; what has to be burnt, and what has
to be dissolved is dissolved..
Question:
How?
Sree Ma: If
some calamity occurs you feel “I do not know anything” but you do what has to
be done. By the practise of the holy name of God, God will have to reveal
himself. But you must practise with the intensity like Dhruv and God cannot but
reveal himself. Repeat the name of Govind. (Ma laughs).
Sri Sunder
Lal: Radhe Radhe Bol.
Sree Ma: I
heard that.
The
Maharani of Gwalior came for Ma’s darshan. Later, Sri Ma said to Pandit Sunder
Lal “Pitaji let us go to the nursing home”. There Sri Ma asked for a pillow for
Baba. Before evening a satin pillow arrived from one side and H.H. Tehri
brought a lovely Dunlop rubber one. Yesterday Sri Ma had wanted apples for Baba
and since then apples keep turning up.
Sri Ma kept
asking the whole day “any news of Baba’s illness?” until news came. Ma was
continually thinking of Hari Baba. “Baba ka kheyal ah raha”
Sri Ma
(referring to the saline): If you don’t need it then return it (Laughing). One
gets addicted. Sadhus live in the jungle. If Baba had not used pillows I would
not have got them.
Crowds and
crowds.
(Question
about Ma’s staying).
Sri Ma:
When Ma decides to go – it is not certain yet.
Question:
what special place?
Sri Ma: Wherever
I am that is my special place. All these present are Bhagwan (God).
Sri Ma
talked to the children of Sri Agarwal and asked her name (Shalbala). Then she
called Jiten’s baby daughter and asked “what has Baba brought for you?”
mentioning each toy – one, two, three, four – counting each one like a little
child and teasing her. Then translating into Hindi immediately “Bhallu dholak
bajate hai…” (the monkey plays the drum, the donkey swings his tail…) to the
immense delight of the little one and all present; immediately changing from
one lila to another.
Dinner was
prepared for 30 and 40 partook of the meal. Ma asked for the Tehri party to
take dinner in Her own room, getting up quickly and going personally to see
them.
The
Maharaja of Gwalior came for Sri Ma’s darshan. Visitors to lunch. Sri Ma had a
quick lunch and then went with Raja Sahib of Tehri to 5 Bhagwandas Road to meet
the Raja of Bhadri who took Ma to the exhibition. Ma saw particularly the
Chinese stall, the needlework just like a painting and asked Renudi “Can you do
such embroidery?” The Raja Sahib and Rani of Tehri pointed out the various
stalls of Poland, America and explained the machinery etc. Ma said “Achha aisa
hai”. Sri Ma returns for kirtan at 5.30pm in the Green Room. Ma herself did
kirtan “Krishna Keshav, Krishna Keshav Pahimam. Ram Ram Ram Ram Hey, Ram
Raghav, Ram Raghav Rakshamam. Govind Gopal Govind Gopal”. Ma expressed her keen
feeling that Baba, so fond of kirtan would now be without it all and is missing
it all.
Sri Ma “I
had [previously] seen Baba in hospital and being treated by doctors and so I
took him to a good hospital and the best doctor. It was done with his (Baba’s)
consent. I would never have mentioned hospital or doctor had I not seen Baba
already in hospital and being treated by a doctor.
Ma
explained to Poltu the excellent arrangements at the hospital and how humbly
and sincerely Susanta had persuaded Baba – no mention of an operation – and
with deep humility. No female nurses were around, only the doctors. Baba spoke
of the atmosphere and Susanta said “when a Mahapurusha comes the atmosphere
itself changes”. Very humbly said Baba, “I have not so much shakti”. “Adbhut”
(remarkable) says Ma, and Ma talked of Susanta’s deep humility in finally
persuading Baba, saying he would take him himself. Then Sri Ma spoke of Baba
“Where will you find such a man these days!”
Then Ma
made all present laugh, talking to Baba’s village folk, with their shoes all
over the place, all packed tightly and doors open either side, and this strange
spectacle in the nursing home and how the village women were about to start a
loud wailing and Ma gave a gentle gesture that such practices were not to be
done and Pandit Sunder Lal’s loud voice and Sri Ma calling him aside and softly
telling him to lower his voice. Only a few people had gone with Ma but the room
was crowded and satsang was continuing all the time, Ma speaking gently to the
village people.
How the
village people were impressed by the excellent arrangements at the hospital.
Baba has numerous bhagats in the villages, rich zamidars and businessmen but
being illiterate and uneducated one would never guess it from their behaviour
as they now sat around, men who would spend 1Rs 10 000/-, 15 000/-, 25 000/- on
a single function for Baba. Now they had come to visit Baba, party by party.
The
Hoshiarpur party was being sent back by Baba. It was best for them just to see
Baba and return.
Baba was
formerly known as Band Baba. He would go from village to village building bands
and singing Hari Kirtan. He himself would pick up a shovel and baskets of mud
so that everybody did so, even the rich zamidar’s women folk with ghunghats
(veils) up to their waists. Didi recalled “Ma beckoned to me and I too lifted a
basket of mud”. “Yes he has done a lot of seva” says Ma and continued “then for
me the seven bigas at Brindavan”. For three to four hours at a stretch he would
stand and send for his villagers and had the whole area completely plastered.
Not a stone or blade of grass but completely smooth and Baba would have sheets
and sheets of cloth laid out and himself would come to welcome Ma. Baba himself
would do Sashtang pranam then walk all the way backwards and himself do Ma’s
arati. How Baba would take Ma to the village and elephants would come
“Elephants of the village zamidars” as Ma explains, with silver mounts and Baba
himself would come with outstretched hands for Ma’s Charan [feet] to lift Ma
onto the elephant. No amount of reluctance from Ma but she must be taken on the
elephant, with cushions and gadas, all silver and gold embroidery for Ma’s
singhasan.
Shanto
(Dunga’s grandson) was saying “to run away from life is to be a coward”.
Sri Ma:
That is because they themselves are all the time in the clutches of fear – fear
of “have we the right clothes, is my beard alright, is my face presentable.
They should not think I am gavar (uncultured)”. Everyone is in the grip of fear
but when one attains knowledge (gyan budhi), and in the quest for divine
knowledge, one discards worldly pleasures. Everyone is seeking happiness.
Worldly happiness is fleeting but the divine happiness is in every pore of your
body.
Sri Ma: This
doll (referring to herself) what is her state? Ma is looking here but the mind
is elsewhere. This is your small doll. You wanted a doll and you have found the
doll.
Dr
Pannalal: While practising the name of God one has found the doll. By the
practise of the name of God one receives the fruit of that. As one sees a
beautiful flower, one thinks “if that flower was on my coat pocket it would
look beautiful” and someone else would think “if the beautiful flower could be
offered at God’s feet”. Is there fruit from looking at the beautiful flower or
not?
Sri Ma:
This body (Sri Ma) does not harm anyone. There will be no harmful effect. There
will be blessedness only. One says “I have found my doll; it is the fruit of my
repetition of the name of God”. Or you say “I went to the riverside and found
it there”. If one longs for God’s presence, that will definitely appear. God
appears in a human form. God is ever within everyone. As many beings as there
are, there are as many Shivas. Until one attains this revelation one must
practise the name of God and meditation of God. One has heard the holy
scriptures “As far as one can see Sri
Krishna is there” and follow that path with faith but until one gets the
revelation one will have to accept the fact. As one worships the deity, there
will definitely be the revelation. But until the revelation appears there will
be coming and going. God also reveals Himself in mortal form; that is the
revelation. God Himself reveals Himself; therefore one must strive. There is
the One revelation and there is no-one else. Where there is the human being
seen there is no revelation. If one desires the revelation of God, then one
realises the divine revelation in everyone; a divine revelation that is the
supreme realisation. As sometimes the revelation appears of itself that means
one has previously practised God’s meditation. And there is the state of
austerity whereby he acquires the revelation of the one who has risen above the
body and soul.
In Sri Ma’s
house there was bamboo matting on three sides.
Sri Ma
would go daily to get buttermilk.
Sri Ma
changing her route to avoid the mango laden trees. The mangoes lying on the
ground for special puja.
Ma’s
spending time in the big house alone in Bhav.
Sri Ma’s
adherence to truth.
Sri Ma’s
crying as a little child when Didi Ma went without permission to her maternal
house and getting well immediately on her return.
Didi Ma
leaving Ma at one place and Ma sitting there until Didi Ma returned.
Sri Ma’s
apparent sleeping during kirtan but in reality Sri Ma in Bhav Samadhi.
When Sri
Ma’s brother lay dying and saying to Sri Ma “Didi Mani, don’t leave”. Sri Ma’s
keeping him alive for a brief period.
Sri Ma
would talk to the trees and they bending down.
One day the
thatched roof of their cottage fell down and Dada Mani was still singing.
Sri Ma’s
Thakur Ma (grandmother) forgetting her mantra and Sri Ma advising her on the
mantra (the holy words) and mudras (the particular states of the body).
Sri Ma talking
to the deity.
Whatever Ma
did was done to perfection – for example sweeping the prayer room with Her tiny
hands.
Sri Ma:
What is a flower? Who has created the flower? What should one do with it? By
studying, one’s ignorance will vanish; one will become learned. One has to make
an effort then one will understand that it is a sweet smelling flower – a rose.
I am giving an example – whatever one sees. Have you understood? I am not
asking you to study but there is but the one Book that is with everyone – the
Knowledge of the Divine. I am not asking you to read that book; practise the
name of God, do meditation all the time in your mind. The dirt will be removed,
the curtain will be raised.
The small
children sit and ask “What is this? What is that? What is its name?” The father
tells them the name. They ask father “What is this?” The child does not study.
The father explains that you must study then only will you learn. You must also
ask questions, that is your duty. The one who does not study nor asks questions
will not learn. The one who has passed will not ask questions. You all must
start that study day and night and pass.
Question:
It is easy to say so but difficult to do it.
Sri Ma: One
has to rise above all difficulties – one has to go beyond that state. You must
not waste time. This body will definitely say: one cooks one’s food; does all
the household work; combs one’s hair; all such worldly matters you are able to
do, and this you cannot do? If you cannot do it then you will have to put up
with things. However much you do of spiritual value, that much you will
receive. When one has eaten too much you will belch and also suffer
indigestion. Therefore you should do as much as you can. As much strength as you
have do that much only.
Question:
It is not possible.
Sri Ma: It
will be definitely possible. You do it and it is not possible? That cannot be
so. It is necessary to study; unless one studies one does not pass. You
yourself study and pass, you yourself earn your living and you feed those who
you consider your own. Who is one’s own? Love and devotion is one’s own and
understanding is also one’s own. You yourself will make the effort and you
yourself will attain. Who will you find? You will realise your own self, not
any other. One must study religious texts and have love and faith in God. God
is one’s own and no other. The power that is within one will be revealed. The
knowledge that is within one will be revealed. The fruit of your own labour
will be revealed. Therefore you must proceed in your work. The rest will be
revealed – it happens thus.
One must
have a pure intelligence and faith in God – the one who is one’s own (God)
within oneself. One oneself will receive oneself. You yourself are the recipient
Sri Ma went
to see Gopaludi and reassured her – “Look,” feeling her forehead, “You have no
temperature. Baba had fever and was unconscious. Very brave,” (because she
hadn’t cried). Ma sat down beside her, gently passed Her hand over her
forehead, chest and hand and kept
talking to her, “Only 8-9 days more. Then you will be alright. Baba had to be
in bed for 27-28 days. This hospital is much better than the Kashi one”. Sri Ma
had a red rose and held it for a long time in Her hand. As Ma left she gave it
to Gopaludi. For a time Ma sat quiet and silent, just looking at Gopaludi and
giving her all assurance. “How much you would have suffered and now a few more
days rest and you will be alright”.
10th
May 1957 – Ahmedabad.
Q. Thakur
Bhai, Balmukand. What is the easiest
path to realise God? I am trying very hard.
Sri
Ma; What is your question, Balmukand?
For how many days have you heard talks? You have your meal. Do you have to prepare
it or not? Whatever you desire, God gives. God gives you worldly goods. If you
desire release from bondage God gives it to you. Therefore to attain the
revelation of God you have to strive. You ask someone to cook your food, but
you have to digest it, don’t you? You have of your own desire to do so. But if
you have no taste for the food you have to take medicines to digest it.
Therefore a human being must make an effort to get good medicines and take
them. He is not happy but he swallows them. Within the mind is one’s work. It
is not so easy. Whatever work you are doing do it according to that. Use your
mouth and concentrate your mind. Turn your mind in that direction and keep
repeating. That is so much. What do you spend? Not even that much.
How beautifully
the saints are sitting. Like trees, they do not call you; nor send you away.
They give you shade, they give you fruit. They give of themselves, so straight
and simple – what is easier than that. The speech of saints –how to attain God
easily. But the hunger is not intense; and the taste is not there. Therefore
simply practice the company of holy saints and read the holy scriptures.
A very rich
merchant came to the ashram.
Ma asked what
he did and what he would receive from his business (a pun on the words, where
there is business one cannot go beyond that). Only business and business; “I
must be richer than him; and richer than the others. Whatever I do my son, my
grandson and daughter’s son receive that”. While being engaged in that the body
departs. While the desires and longings are there then one will have to return
to fulfil those desires. That business which does not take one beyond, one
gives one’s whole life for that.
Who am I?
From where have I come? Who has created one?
If the
business fails one is unhappy, and if the business remains and one dies, even
then there will be a return ticket.
Qu. God is generous. In spite of that why
does one suffer?
Sri Ma - In order to give you eternal happiness, the greatest happiness. The happiness that you experience is dependent on worldly matters - happiness and sorrow remain. God gives you sorrow to wipe off all sorrow.
Eternal happiness is God himself. The greatest happiness is God himself. In order to reveal that state, one is subject to sorrow and happiness